1599 MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING by William Shakespeare

1599
MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING
by William Shakespeare
Dramatis Personae

Don Pedro, Prince of Arragon. Don John, his bastard brother. Claudio, a young lord of Florence. Benedick, a Young lord of Padua. Leonato, Governor of Messina. Antonio, an old man, his brother. Balthasar, attendant on Don Pedro. Borachio, follower of Don John. Conrade, follower of Don John. Friar Francis. Dogberry, a Constable. Verges, a Headborough. A Sexton. A Boy. Hero, daughter to Leonato. Beatrice, niece to Leonato. Margaret, waiting gentlewoman attending on Hero. Ursula, waiting gentlewoman attending on Hero. Messengers, Watch, Attendants, etc.

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SCENE.--Messina.
ACT I. Scene I.
An orchard before Leonato's house.
[Enter Leonato (Governor of Messina), Hero (his Daughter), andBeatrice (his Niece), with a Messenger.]
Leon. I learn in this letter that Don Pedro of Arragon comes this night to Messina.
Mess. He is very near by this. He was not three leagues off when I lefthim.
Leon. How many gentlemen have you lost in this action?
Mess. But few of any sort, and none of name.
Leon. A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings home fullnumbers. I find here that Don Pedro hath bestowed much honour ona young Florentine called Claudio.
Mess. Much deserv'd on his part, and equally rememb'red by Don Pedro.He hath borne himself beyond the promise of his age, doing in thefigure of a lamb the feats of a lion. He hath indeed betterbett'red expectation than you must expect of me to tell you how.
Leon. He hath an uncle here in Messina will be very much glad of it.
Mess. I have already delivered him letters, and there appears much joyin him; even so much that joy could not show itself modest enoughwithout a badge of bitterness.
Leon. Did he break out into tears?
Mess. In great measure.
Leon. A kind overflow of kindness. There are no faces truer than thosethat are so wash'd. How much better is it to weep at joy than tojoy at weeping!
Beat. I pray you, is Signior Mountanto return'd from the wars or no?Mess. I know none of that name, lady. There was none such in the armyof any sort.
Leon. What is he that you ask for, niece?
Hero. My cousin means Signior Benedick of Padua.
Mess.O, he's return'd, and as pleasant as ever he was.
Beat. He set up his bills here in Messina and challeng'd Cupid at theflight, and my uncle's fool, reading the challenge, subscrib'dfor Cupid and challeng'd him at the burbolt. I pray you, how manyhath he kill'd and eaten in these wars? But how many hath hekill'd? For indeed I promised to eat all of his killing.
Leon. Faith, niece, you tax Signior Benedick too much; but he'll bemeet with you, I doubt it not.
Mess. He hath done good service, lady, in these wars.
Beat. You had musty victual, and he hath holp to eat it. He is a veryvaliant trencherman; he hath an excellent stomach.
Mess. And a good soldier too, lady.
Beat. And a good soldier to a lady; but what is he to a lord?Mess. A lord to a lord, a man to a man; stuff'd with all honourablevirtues.
Beat. It is so indeed. He is no less than a stuff'd man; but for thestuffing--well, we are all mortal.
Leon. You must not, sir, mistake my niece. There is a kind of merry warbetwixt Signior Benedick and her. They never meet but there's askirmish of wit between them.
Beat. Alas, he gets nothing by that! In our last conflict four of hisfive wits went halting off, and now is the whole man govern'dwith one; so that if he have wit enough to keep himself warm, lethim bear it for a difference between himself and his horse; forit is all the wealth that he hath left to be known a reasonablecreature. Who is his companion now? He hath every month a newsworn brother.
Mess. Is't possible?
Beat. Very easily possible. He wears his faith but as the fashion ofhis hat; it ever changes with the next block.
Mess. I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your books.
Beat. No. An he were, I would burn my study. But I pray you, who is hiscompanion? Is there no young squarer now that will make a voyagewith him to the devil?
Mess. He is most in the company of the right noble Claudio.
Beat. O Lord, he will hang upon him like a disease! He is sooner caughtthan the pestilence, and the taker runs presently mad. God helpthe noble Claudio! If he have caught the Benedick, it will costhim a thousand pound ere 'a be cured.
Mess. I will hold friends with you, lady.
Beat. Do, good friend.
Leon. You will never run mad, niece.
Beat. No, not till a hot January.
Mess. Don Pedro is approach'd.
[Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, Balthasar, and John theBastard.]
Pedro. Good Signior Leonato, are you come to meet your trouble? Thefashion of the world is to avoid cost, and you encounter it.
Leon. Never came trouble to my house in the likeness of your Grace; fortrouble being gone, comfort should remain; but when you departfrom me, sorrow abides and happiness takes his leave.
Pedro. You embrace your charge too willingly. I think this is yourdaughter.
Leon. Her mother hath many times told me so.
Bene. Were you in doubt, sir, that you ask'd her?
Leon. Signior Benedick, no; for then were you a child.
Pedro. You have it full, Benedick. We may guess by this what you are,being a man. Truly the lady fathers herself. Be happy, lady; foryou are like an honourable father.
Bene. If Signior Leonato be her father, she would not have his head onher shoulders for all Messina, as like him as she is.
Beat. I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior Benedick. Nobody marks you.
Bene. What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?
Beat. Is it possible Disdain should die while she hath such meet foodto feed it as Signior Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert todisdain if you come in her presence.
Bene. Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of allladies, only you excepted; and I would I could find in my heartthat I had not a hard heart, for truly I love none.
Beat. A dear happiness to women! They would else have been troubledwith a pernicious suitor. I thank God and my cold blood, I am ofyour humour for that. I had rather hear my dog bark at a crowthan a man swear he loves me.
Bene. God keep your ladyship still in that mind! So some gentleman orother shall scape a predestinate scratch'd face.
Beat. Scratching could not make it worse an 'twere such a face as yourswere.
Bene. Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher.
Beat. A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.
Bene. I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good acontinuer. But keep your way, a God's name! I have done.
Beat. You always end with a jade's trick. I know you of old.
Pedro. That is the sum of all, Leonato. Signior Claudio and SigniorBenedick, my dear friend Leonato hath invited you all. I tell himwe shall stay here at the least a month, and he heartly prayssome occasion may detain us longer. I dare swear he is nohypocrite, but prays from his heart.
Leon. If you swear, my lord, you shall not be forsworn. [To Don John]Let me bid you welcome, my lord. Being reconciled to the Princeyour brother, I owe you all duty.
John. I thank you. I am not of many words, but I thank you.
Leon. Please it your Grace lead on?
Pedro. Your hand, Leonato. We will go together.
[Exeunt. Manent Benedick and Claudio.]
Claud. Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of Signior Leonato?Bene. I noted her not, but I look'd on her.
Claud. Is she not a modest young lady?
Bene. Do you question me, as an honest man should do, for my simpletrue judgment? or would you have me speak after my custom, asbeing a professed tyrant to their sex?
Claud. No. I pray thee speak in sober judgment.
Bene. Why, i' faith, methinks she's too low for a high praise, toobrown for a fair praise, and too little for a great praise. Onlythis commendation I can afford her, that were she other thanshe is, she were unhandsome, and being no other but as she is, Ido not like her.
Claud. Thou thinkest I am in sport. I pray thee tell me truly how thoulik'st her.
Bene. Would you buy her, that you enquire after her?
Claud. Can the world buy such a jewel?
Bene. Yea, and a case to put it into. But speak you this with a sadbrow? or do you play the flouting Jack, to tell us Cupid is agood hare-finder and Vulcan a rare carpenter? Come, in what keyshall a man take you to go in the song?
Claud. In mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever I look'd on.
Bene. I can see yet without spectacles, and I see no such matter. There's her cousin, an she were not possess'd with a fury,exceedsher as much in beauty as the first of May doth the last ofDecember. But I hope you have no intent to turn husband, haveyou?
Claud. I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn the contrary, ifHero would be my wife.
Bene. Is't come to this? In faith, hath not the world one man but hewill wear his cap with suspicion? Shall I never see a bachelor ofthreescore again? Go to, i' faith! An thou wiltneeds thrust thy neck into a yoke, wear the print of it and sighaway Sundays.
[Enter Don Pedro.]
Look! Don Pedro is returned to seek you.
Pedro. What secret hath held you here, that you followed not toLeonato's?
Bene. I would your Grace would constrain me to tell.
Pedro. I charge thee on thy allegiance.
Bene. You hear, Count Claudio. I can be secret as a dumb man, I wouldhave you think so; but, on my allegiance--mark you this-on myallegiance! he is in love. With who? Now that is your Grace's part. Mark how short his answer is: With Hero, Leonato's shortdaughter.
Claud. If this were so, so were it utt'red.
Bene. Like the old tale, my lord: 'It is not so, nor 'twas not so; butindeed, God forbid it should be so!'
Claud. If my passion change not shortly, God forbid it should beotherwise.
Pedro. Amen, if you love her; for the lady is very well worthy.
Claud. You speak this to fetch me in, my lord.
Pedro. By my troth, I speak my thought.
Claud. And, in faith, my lord, I spoke mine.
Bene. And, by my two faiths and troths, my lord, I spoke mine.
Claud. That I love her, I feel.
Pedro. That she is worthy, I know.
Bene. That I neither feel how she should be loved, nor know how sheshould be worthy, is the opinion that fire cannot melt out of me.
I will die in it at the stake.
Pedro. Thou wast ever an obstinate heretic in the despite of beauty.
Claud. And never could maintain his part but in the force of his will.
Bene. That a woman conceived me, I thank her; that she brought me up, Ilikewise give her most humble thanks; but that I will have arechate winded in my forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisiblebaldrick, all women shall pardon me. Because I will not do themthe wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the right to trustnone; and the fine is (for the which I may go the finer), I willlive a bachelor.
Pedro. I shall see thee, ere I die, look pale with love.
Bene. With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord; not withlove. Prove that ever I lose more blood with love than I will getagain with drinking, pick out mine eyes with a ballad-maker's penand hang me up at the door of a brothel house for the sign ofblind Cupid.
Pedro. Well, if ever thou dost fall from this faith, thou wilt prove anotable argument.
Bene. If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot at me; and hethat hits me, let him be clapp'd on the shoulder and call'd Adam.
Pedro. Well, as time shall try. 'In time the savage bull doth bear theyoke.'
Bene. The savage bull may; but if ever the sensible Benedick bear it,pluck off the bull's horns and set them in my forehead, and letme be vilely painted, and in such great letters as theywrite 'Here is good horse to hire,' let them signify under mysign 'Here you may see Benedick the married man.'
Claud. If this should ever happen, thou wouldst be horn-mad.
Pedro. Nay, if Cupid have not spent all his quiver in Venice, thou wiltquake for this shortly.
Bene. I look for an earthquake too then.
Pedro. Well, you will temporize with the hours. In the meantime, goodSignior Benedick, repair to Leonato's, commend me to him and tellhim I will not fail him at supper; for indeed he hath made greatpreparation.
Bene. I have almost matter enough in me for such an embassage; and so Icommit you--
Claud. To the tuition of God. From my house--if I had it--Pedro. The sixth of July. Your loving friend, Benedick.
Bene. Nay, mock not, mock not. The body of your discourse is sometimeguarded with fragments, and the guards are but slightly basted onneither. Ere you flout old ends any further, examine yourconscience. And so I leave you. [Exit.]Claud. My liege, your Highness now may do me good.
Pedro. My love is thine to teach. Teach it but how, And thou shalt see how apt it is to learn Any hard lesson that may do thee good.
Claud. Hath Leonato any son, my lord?
Pedro. No child but Hero; she's his only heir. Dost thou affect her, Claudio?
Claud.O my lord,When you went onward on this ended action,I look'd upon her with a soldier's eye,That lik'd, but had a rougher task in handThan to drive liking to the name of love;But now I am return'd and that war-thoughtsHave left their places vacant, in their roomsCome thronging soft and delicate desires,All prompting me how fair young Hero is,Saying I lik'd her ere I went to wars.
Pedro. Thou wilt be like a lover presentlyAnd tire the hearer with a book of words.If thou dost love fair Hero, cherish it,And I will break with her and with her father,And thou shalt have her. Wast not to this endThat thou began'st to twist so fine a story?
Claud. How sweetly you do minister to love,That know love's grief by his complexion! But lest my liking might too sudden seem,I would have salv'd it with a longer treatise.
Pedro. What need the bridge much broader than the flood?The fairest grant is the necessity.Look, what will serve is fit. 'Tis once, thou lovest,And I will fit thee with the remedy.I know we shall have revelling to-night.I will assume thy part in some disguiseAnd tell fair Hero I am Claudio,And in her bosom I'll unclasp my heartAnd take her hearing prisoner with the forceAnd strong encounter of my amorous tale.Then after to her father will I break,And the conclusion is, she shall be thine.In practice let us put it presently. [Exeunt.]Scene II.
A room in Leonato's house.
[Enter [at one door] Leonato and [at another door, Antonio] anold man, brother to Leonato.]
Leon. How now, brother? Where is my cousin your son? Hath he providedthis music?
Ant. He is very busy about it. But, brother, I can tell you strangenews that you yet dreamt not of.
Leon. Are they good?
Ant. As the event stamps them; but they have a good cover, they showwell outward. The Prince and Count Claudio, walking in athick-pleached alley in mine orchard, were thus much overheard bya man of mine: the Prince discovered to Claudio that he loved my niece your daughter and meant to acknowledge it this night in adance, and if he found her accordant, he meant to take thepresent time by the top and instantly break with you of it.
Leon. Hath the fellow any wit that told you this?
Ant. A good sharp fellow. I will send for him, and question himyourself.
Leon. No, no. We will hold it as a dream till it appear itself; but Iwill acquaint my daughter withal, that she may be the betterprepared for an answer, if peradventure this be true. Go you andtell her of it. [Exit Antonio.][Enter Antonio's Son with a Musician, and others.]
[To the Son] Cousin, you know what you have to do.
--[To the Musician] O, I cry you mercy, friend. Go you with me,and I will use your skill.--Good cousin, have a care this busytime. [Exeunt.]Scene III.
Another room in Leonato's house.
[Enter Sir John the Bastard and Conrade, his companion.]Con. What the goodyear, my lord! Why are you thus out of measure sad?John. There is no measure in the occasion that breeds; therefore thesadness is without limit.
Con. You should hear reason.
John. And when I have heard it, what blessings brings it?Con. If not a present remedy, at least a patient sufferance.
John. I wonder that thou (being, as thou say'st thou art, born underSaturn) goest about to apply a moral medicine to a mortifyingmischief. I cannot hide what I am: I must be sad when I havecause, and smile at no man's jests; eat when I have stomach, andwait for no man's leisure; sleep when I am drowsy, and tend on noman's business; laugh when I am merry, and claw no man in hishumour.
Con. Yea, but you must not make the full show of this till you may doit without controlment. You have of late stood out against yourbrother, and he hath ta'en you newly into his grace, where it isimpossible you should take true root but by the fair weather thatyou make yourself. It is needful that you frame the season foryour own harvest.
John. I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in his grace, andit better fits my blood to be disdain'd of all than to fashion acarriage to rob love from any. In this, though I cannot be saidto be a flattering honest man, it must not be denied but I am aplain-dealing villain. I am trusted with a muzzle andenfranchis'd with a clog; therefore I have decreed not tosing in my cage. If I had my mouth, I would bite; if I had myliberty, I would do my liking. In the meantime let me be that Iam, and seek not to alter me.
Con. Can you make no use of your discontent?
John. I make all use of it, for I use it only.
[Enter Borachio.]
Who comes here? What news, Borachio?
Bora. I came yonder from a great supper. The Prince your brother isroyally entertain'd by Leonato, and I can give you intelligenceof an intended marriage.
John. Will it serve for any model to build mischief on? What is he fora fool that betroths himself to unquietness?
Bora. Marry, it is your brother's right hand.
John. Who? the most exquisite Claudio?
Bora. Even he.
John. A proper squire! And who? and who? which way looks he?Bora. Marry, on Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato.
John. A very forward March-chick! How came you to this?
Bora. Being entertain'd for a perfumer, as I was smoking a musty room,comes me the Prince and Claudio, hand in hand in sad conference.I whipt me behind the arras and there heard it agreed upon thatthe Prince should woo Hero for himself, and having obtain'd her,give her to Count Claudio.
John. Come, come, let us thither. This may prove food to mydispleasure. That young start-up hath all the glory of myoverthrow. If I can cross him any way, I bless myself every way. You are both sure, and will assist me?
Con. To the death, my lord.
John. Let us to the great supper. Their cheer is the greater that I amsubdued. Would the cook were o' my mind! Shall we go prove what'sto be done?
Bora. We'll wait upon your lordship. [Exeunt.]

<>ACT II. Scene I.
A hall in Leonato's house.
[Enter Leonato, [Antonio] his Brother, Hero his Daughter, andBeatrice his Niece, and a Kinsman; [also Margaret and Ursula.]Leon. Was not Count John here at supper?
Ant. I saw him not.
Beat. How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can see him but I amheart-burn'd an hour after.
Hero. He is of a very melancholy disposition.
Beat. He were an excellent man that were made just in the midwaybetween him and Benedick. The one is too like an image and saysnothing, and the other too like my lady's eldest son,evermore tattling.
Leon. Then half Signior Benedick's tongue in Count John's mouth, andhalf Count John's melancholy in Signior Benedick's face--
Beat. With a good leg and a good foot, uncle, and money enough in hispurse, such a man would win any woman in the world--if 'a couldget her good will.
Leon. By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee a husband if thou beso shrewd of thy tongue.
Ant. In faith, she's too curst.
Beat. Too curst is more than curst. I shall lessen God's sending thatway, for it is said, 'God sends a curst cow short horns,' but toa cow too curst he sends none.
Leon. So, by being too curst, God will send you no horns.
Beat. Just, if he send me no husband; for the which blessing I am athim upon my knees every morning and evening. Lord, I could notendure a husband with a beard on his face. I had rather lie inthe woollen!
Leon. You may light on a husband that hath no beard.
Beat. What should I do with him? dress him in my apparel and make himmy waiting gentlewoman? He that hath a beard is more than ayouth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man; and he thatis more than a youth is not for me; and he that is less than aman, I am not for him. Therefore I will even take sixpence inearnest of the berrord and lead his apes into hell.
Leon. Well then, go you into hell?
Beat. No; but to the gate, and there will the devil meet me like an oldcuckold with horns on his head, and say 'Get you to heaven,Beatrice, get you to heaven. Here's no place for you maids.' Sodeliver I up my apes, and away to Saint Peter--for the heavens. He shows me where the bachelors sit, and there live we as merryas the day is long.
Ant. [to Hero] Well, niece, I trust you will be rul'd by your father.
Beat. Yes faith. It is my cousin's duty to make cursy and say, 'Father,as it please you.' But yet for all that, cousin, let him be ahandsome fellow, or else make another cursy, and say,'Father, as it please me.'
Leon. Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband.
Beat. Not till God make men of some other metal than earth. Would itnot grieve a woman to be overmaster'd with a piece of valiantdust? to make an account of her life to a clod of wayward marl? No, uncle, I'll none. Adam's sons are my brethren, and truly Ihold it a sin to match in my kinred.
Leon. Daughter, remember what I told you. If the Prince do solicit youin that kind, you know your answer.
Beat. The fault will be in the music, cousin, if you be not wooed ingood time. If the Prince be too important, tell him there ismeasure in everything, and so dance out the answer. For, hear me,Hero: wooing, wedding, and repenting is as a Scotch jig, ameasure, and a cinque-pace: the first suit is hot and hasty likea Scotch jig--and full as fantastical; the wedding, mannerlymodest, as a measure, full of state and ancientry; and then comesRepentance and with his bad legs falls into the cinque-pacefaster and faster, till he sink into his grave.
Leon. Cousin, you apprehend passing shrewdly.
Beat. I have a good eye, uncle; I can see a church by daylight.
Leon. The revellers are ent'ring, brother. Make good room.
[Exit Antonio.][Enter, [masked,] Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, and Balthasar. With them enter Antonio, also masked. After them enter Don John [and Borachio (without masks), who stand aside and look on during the dance.]
Pedro. Lady, will you walk a bout with your friend?
Hero. So you walk softly and look sweetly and say nothing, I am yoursfor the walk; and especially when I walk away.
Pedro. With me in your company?
Hero. I may say so when I please.
Pedro. And when please you to say so?
Hero. When I like your favour, for God defend the lute should be likethe case!
Pedro. My visor is Philemon's roof; within the house is Jove.
Hero. Why then, your visor should be thatch'd.
Pedro. Speak low if you speak love. [Takes her aside.]Balth. Well, I would you did like me.
Marg. So would not I for your own sake, for I have many ill qualities.
Balth. Which is one?
Marg. I say my prayers aloud.
Balth. I love you the better. The hearers may cry Amen.
Marg. God match me with a good dancer!
Balth. Amen.
Marg. And God keep him out of my sight when the dance is done!Answer, clerk.
Balth. No more words. The clerk is answered.
[Takes her aside.]Urs. I know you well enough. You are Signior Antonio.
Ant. At a word, I am not.
Urs. I know you by the waggling of your head.
Ant. To tell you true, I counterfeit him.
Urs. You could never do him so ill-well unless you were the very man.Here's his dry hand up and down. You are he, you are he!Ant. At a word, I am not.
Urs. Come, come, do you think I do not know you by your excellent wit?Can virtue hide itself? Go to, mum you are he. Graces willappear, and there's an end. [ They step aside.]
Beat. Will you not tell me who told you so?
Bene. No, you shall pardon me.
Beat. Nor will you not tell me who you are?
Bene. Not now.
Beat. That I was disdainful, and that I had my good wit out of the'Hundred Merry Tales.' Well, this was Signior Benedick that saidso.
Bene. What's he?
Beat. I am sure you know him well enough.
Bene. Not I, believe me.
Beat. Did he never make you laugh?
Bene. I pray you, what is he?
Beat. Why, he is the Prince's jester, a very dull fool. Only his giftis in devising impossible slanders. None but libertines delightin him; and the commendation is not in his wit, butin his villany; for he both pleases men and angers them, and thenthey laugh at him and beat him. I am sure he is in the fleet. Iwould he had boarded me.
Bene. When I know the gentleman, I'll tell him what you say.
Beat. Do, do. He'll but break a comparison or two on me; whichperadventure, not marked or not laugh'd at, strikes him intomelancholy; and then there's a partridge wing saved, for thefool will eat no supper that night. [Music.]We must follow the leaders.
Bene. In every good thing.
Beat. Nay, if they lead to any ill, I will leave them at the nextturning.
[Dance. Exeunt (all but Don John, Borachio, and Claudio].
John. Sure my brother is amorous on Hero and hath withdrawn her fatherto break with him about it. The ladies follow her and but onevisor remains.
Bora. And that is Claudio. I know him by his bearing.
John. Are you not Signior Benedick?
Claud. You know me well. I am he.
John. Signior, you are very near my brother in his love. He isenamour'd on Hero. I pray you dissuade him from her; she is noequal for his birth. You may do the part of an honest man in it.
Claud. How know you he loves her?
John. I heard him swear his affection.
Bora. So did I too, and he swore he would marry her tonight.
John. Come, let us to the banquet.
[Exeunt. Manet Claudio.]Claud. Thus answer I in name of BenedickBut hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio. [Unmasks.]'Tis certain so. The Prince wooes for himself.Friendship is constant in all other thingsSave in the office and affairs of love.Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues;Let every eye negotiate for itself And trust no agent; for beauty is a witchAgainst whose charms faith melteth into blood.This is an accident of hourly proof,Which I mistrusted not. Farewell therefore Hero! [Enter Benedick [unmasked]].
Bene. Count Claudio?
Claud. Yea, the same.
Bene. Come, will you go with me?
Claud. Whither?
Bene. Even to the next willow, about your own business, County. Whatfashion will you wear the garland of? about your neck, like anusurer's chain? or under your arm, like a lieutenant's scarf? You must wear it one way, for the Prince hath got your Hero.
Claud. I wish him joy of her.
Bene. Why, that's spoken like an honest drovier. So they sell bullocks.But did you think the Prince would have served you thus?Claud. I pray you leave me.
Bene. Ho! now you strike like the blind man! 'Twas the boy that stoleyour meat, and you'll beat the post.
Claud. If it will not be, I'll leave you. [Exit.]
Bene. Alas, poor hurt fowl! now will he creep into sedges. But, that myLady Beatrice should know me, and not know me! The Prince's fool!Ha! it may be I go under that title because I am merry. Yea, butso I am apt to do myself wrong. I am not so reputed. It is thebase (though bitter) disposition of Beatrice that puts the worldinto her person and so gives me out. Well, I'll be revenged as Imay.
[Enter Don Pedro.]
Pedro. Now, signior, where's the Count? Did you see him?
Bene. Troth, my lord, I have played the part of Lady Fame, I found himhere as melancholy as a lodge in a warren. I told him, and Ithink I told him true, that your Grace had got the good will ofthis young lady, and I off'red him my company to a willow tree,either to make him a garland, as being forsaken, or to bind himup a rod, as being worthy to be whipt.
Pedro. To be whipt? What's his fault?
Bene. The flat transgression of a schoolboy who, being overjoyed withfinding a bird's nest, shows it his companion, and he steals it.
Pedro. Wilt thou make a trust a transgression? The transgression is inthe stealer.
Bene. Yet it had not been amiss the rod had been made, and the garlandtoo; for the garland he might have worn himself, and the rod hemight have bestowed on you, who, as I take it, have stol'n hisbird's nest.
Pedro. I will but teach them to sing and restore them to the owner.
Bene. If their singing answer your saying, by my faith you sayhonestly.
Pedro. The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you. The gentleman thatdanc'd with her told her she is much wrong'd by you.
Bene. O, she misus'd me past the endurance of a block! An oak but withone green leaf on it would have answered her; my very visor beganto assume life and scold with her. She told me, not thinking Ihad been myself, that I was the Prince's jester, that I wasduller than a great thaw; huddling jest upon jest with suchimpossible conveyance upon me that I stood like a man at a mark,with a whole army shooting at me. She speaks poniards, and every word stabs. If her breath were as terrible as her terminations,there were no living near her; she would infect to the NorthStar. I would not marry her though she were endowed with all thatAdam had left him before he transgress'd. She would have madeHercules have turn'd spit, yea, and have cleft his club to makethe fire too. Come, talk not of her. You shall find her theinfernal Ate in good apparel. I would to God some scholar wouldconjure her, for certainly, while she is here, a man may live asquiet in hell as in a sanctuary; and people sin upon purpose,because they would go thither; so indeed all disquiet, horror,and perturbation follows her.
[Enter Claudio and Beatrice, Leonato, Hero.]Pedro. Look, here she comes.
Bene. Will your Grace command me any service to the world's end? I willgo on the slightest errand now to the Antipodes that you candevise to send me on; I will fetch you a toothpicker now from thefurthest inch of Asia; bring you the length of Prester John'sfoot; fetch you a hair off the great Cham's beard; do you anyembassage to the Pygmies--rather than hold three words'conference with this harpy. You have no employment for me?Pedro. None, but to desire your good company.
Bene. O God, sir, here's a dish I love not! I cannot endure my Lady Tongue. [Exit.]
Pedro. Come, lady, come; you have lost the heart of Signior Benedick.
Beat. Indeed, my lord, he lent it me awhile, and I gave him use forit--a double heart for his single one. Marry, once before he wonit of me with false dice; therefore your Grace may well say Ihave lost it.
Pedro. You have put him down, lady; you have put him down.
Beat. So I would not he should do me, my lord, lest I should prove themother of fools. I have brought Count Claudio, whom you sent meto seek.
Pedro. Why, how now, Count? Wherefore are you sad?
Claud. Not sad, my lord.
Pedro. How then? sick?
Claud. Neither, my lord.
Beat. The Count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry, nor well; butcivil count--civil as an orange, and something of that jealouscomplexion.
Pedro. I' faith, lady, I think your blazon to be true; though I'll besworn, if he be so, his conceit is false. Here, Claudio, I havewooed in thy name, and fair Hero is won. I have broke with herfather, and his good will obtained. Name the day of marriage, andGod give thee joy!
Leon. Count, take of me my daughter, and with her my fortunes. HisGrace hath made the match, and all grace say Amen to it!Beat. Speak, Count, 'tis your cue.
Claud. Silence is the perfectest herald of joy. I were but little happyif I could say how much. Lady, as you are mine, I am yours. Igive away myself for you and dote upon the exchange.
Beat. Speak, cousin; or, if you cannot, stop his mouth with a kiss andlet not him speak neither.
Pedro. In faith, lady, you have a merry heart.
Beat. Yea, my lord; I thank it, poor fool, it keeps on the windy sideof care. My cousin tells him in his ear that he is in her heart.
Claud. And so she doth, cousin.
Beat. Good Lord, for alliance! Thus goes every one to the world but I,and I am sunburnt. I may sit in a corner and cry 'Heigh-ho for ahusband!'
Pedro. Lady Beatrice, I will get you one.
Beat. I would rather have one of your father's getting. Hath your Gracene'er a brother like you? Your father got excellent husbands, ifa maid could come by them.
Pedro. Will you have me, lady?
Beat. No, my lord, unless I might have another for working days: yourGrace is too costly to wear every day. But I beseech your Gracepardon me. I was born to speak all mirth and no matter.
Pedro. Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best becomes you,for out o' question you were born in a merry hour.
Beat. No, sure, my lord, my mother cried; but then there was a stardanc'd, and under that was I born. Cousins, God give you joy!Leon. Niece, will you look to those things I told you of?Beat. I cry you mercy, uncle, By your Grace's pardon. [Exit.]
Pedro. By my troth, a pleasant-spirited lady.
Leon. There's little of the melancholy element in her, my lord. She isnever sad but when she sleeps, and not ever sad then; for I haveheard my daughter say she hath often dreamt ofunhappiness and wak'd herself with laughing.
Pedro. She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband.
Leon. O, by no means! She mocks all her wooers out of suit.
Pedro. She were an excellent wife for Benedick.
Leon. O Lord, my lord! if they were but a week married, they would talkthemselves mad.
Pedro. County Claudio, when mean you to go to church?
Claud. To-morrow, my lord. Time goes on crutches till love have all hisrites.
Leon. Not till Monday, my dear son, which is hence a just sevennight;and a time too brief too, to have all things answer my mind.
Pedro. Come, you shake the head at so long a breathing; but I warrantthee, Claudio, the time shall not go dully by us. I will in theinterim undertake one of Hercules' labours,which is, to bring Signior Benedick and the Lady Beatrice into amountain of affection th' one with th' other. I would fain haveit a match, and I doubt not but to fashion it if you three willbut minister such assistance as I shall give you direction.
Leon. My lord, I am for you, though it cost me ten nights' watchings.
Claud. And I, my lord.
Pedro. And you too, gentle Hero?
Hero. I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my cousin to a goodhusband.
Pedro. And Benedick is not the unhopefullest husband that I know. Thusfar can I praise him: he is of a noble strain, of approvedvalour, and confirm'd honesty. I will teach you how to humouryour cousin, that she shall fall in love with Benedick; and I,[to Leonato and Claudio] with your two helps, will so practise onBenedick that, in despite of his quick wit and his queasystomach, he shall fall in love with Beatrice. If we can do this,Cupid is no longer an archer; his glory shall be ours, for we arethe only love-gods. Go in with me, and I will tell you my drift.
[Exeunt.]

Scene II.
A hall in Leonato's house.
[Enter [Don] John and Borachio.]
John. It is so. The Count Claudio shall marry the daughter of Leonato.
Bora. Yea, my lord; but I can cross it.
John. Any bar, any cross, any impediment will be med'cinable to me. Iam sick in displeasure to him, and whatsoever comes athwart hisaffection ranges evenly with mine. How canst thou cross thismarriage?
Bora. Not honestly, my lord, but so covertly that no dishonesty shallappear in me.
John. Show me briefly how.
Bora. I think I told your lordship, a year since, how much I am in thefavour of Margaret, the waiting gentlewoman to Hero.
John. I remember.
Bora. I can, at any unseasonable instant of the night, appoint her tolook out at her lady's chamber window.
John. What life is in that to be the death of this marriage?Bora. The poison of that lies in you to temper. Go you to the Princeyour brother; spare not to tell him that he hath wronged hishonour in marrying the renowned Claudio (whose estimation do youmightily hold up) to a contaminated stale, such a one as Hero.
John. What proof shall I make of that?
Bora. Proof enough to misuse the Prince, to vex Claudio, to undo Hero,and kill Leonato. Look you for any other issue?
John. Only to despite them I will endeavour anything.
Bora. Go then; find me a meet hour to draw Don Pedro and the CountClaudio alone; tell them that you know that Hero loves me; intenda kind of zeal both to the Prince and Claudio, as--in love ofyour brother's honour, who hath made this match, and his friend's reputation, who is thus like to be cozen'd with the semblance ofa maid--that you have discover'd thus. They will scarcely believethis without trial. Offer them instances; which shall bear noless likelihood than to see me at her chamber window, hear mecall Margaret Hero, hear Margaret term me Claudio; and bring themto see this the very night before the intended wedding (for inthe meantime I will so fashion the matter that Hero shall be absent) and there shall appear such seeming truth of Hero'sdisloyalty that jealousy shall be call'd assurance and all thepreparation overthrown.
John. Grow this to what adverse issue it can, I will put it inpractice. Be cunning in the working this, and thy fee is athousand ducats.
Bora. Be you constant in the accusation, and my cunning shall not shameme.
John. I will presently go learn their day of marriage.
[Exeunt.]

Scene III.
Leonato's orchard.
[Enter Benedick alone.]
Bene. Boy!
[Enter Boy.]
Boy. Signior?
Bene. In my chamber window lies a book. Bring it hither to me in heorchard.
Boy. I am here already, sir.
Bene. I know that, but I would have thee hence and here again. (Exit Boy.) I do much wonder that one man, seeing how muchanother man is a fool when he dedicates his behaviours to love,will, after he hath laugh'd at such shallow follies in others,become the argument of his own scorn by falling in love; and sucha man is Claudio. I have known when there was no music with himbut the drum and the fife; and now had he rather hear the taborand the pipe. I have known when he would have walk'd ten mileafoot to see a good armour; and now will he lie ten nights awakecarving the fashion of a new doublet. He was wont to speak plainand to the purpose, like an honest man and a soldier; and now ishe turn'd orthography; his words are a very fantasticalbanquet--just so many strange dishes. May I be so converted andsee with these eyes? I cannot tell; I think not. I will not besworn but love may transform me to an oyster; but I'll take myoath on it, till he have made an oyster of me he shall never makeme such a fool. One woman is fair, yet I am well; another iswise, yet I am well; another virtuous, yet I am well; but tillall graces be in one woman, one woman shall not come in my grace.Rich sheshall be, that's certain; wise, or I'll none; virtuous, or I'llnever cheapen her; fair, or I'll never look on her; mild, or comenot near me; noble, or not I for an angel; of good discourse, anexcellent musician, and her hair shall be of what colour itplease God. Ha, the Prince and Monsieur Love! I will hide me inthe arbour. [Hides.][Enter Don Pedro, Leonato, Claudio.]
[Music within.]
Pedro. Come, shall we hear this music?
Claud. Yea, my good lord. How still the evening is, As hush'd on purpose to grace harmony!
Pedro. See you where Benedick hath hid himself?
Claud. O, very well, my lord. The music ended,We'll fit the kid-fox with a pennyworth.
[Enter Balthasar with Music.]
Pedro. Come, Balthasar, we'll hear that song again.
Balth. O, good my lord, tax not so bad a voiceTo slander music any more than once.
Pedro. It is the witness still of excellencyTo put a strange face on his own perfection.I pray thee sing, and let me woo no more.
Balth. Because you talk of wooing, I will sing,Since many a wooer doth commence his suitTo her he thinks not worthy, yet he wooes,Yet will he swear he loves.
Pedro. Nay, pray thee come; Or if thou wilt hold longer argument,Do it in notes.
Balth. Note this before my notes:There's not a note of mine that's worth the noting.
Pedro. Why, these are very crotchets that he speaks!Note notes, forsooth, and nothing! [Music.]Bene. [aside] Now divine air! Now is his soul ravish'd! Is it notstrange that sheep's guts should hale souls out of men's bodies?Well, a horn for my money, when all's done.
[Balthasar sings.] The Song.
Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more! Men were deceivers ever, One foot in sea, and one on shore; To one thing constant never. Then sigh not so, But let them go, And be you blithe and bonny, Converting all your sounds of woe Into Hey nonny, nonny. Sing no more ditties, sing no moe, Of dumps so dull and heavy! The fraud of men was ever so, Since summer first was leavy. Then sigh not so, &c.Pedro. By my troth, a good song.
Balth. And an ill singer, my lord.
Pedro. Ha, no, no, faith! Thou sing'st well enough for a shift.
Bene. [aside] An he had been a dog that should have howl'd thus, theywould have hang'd him; and I pray God his bad voice bode nomischief. I had as live have heard the night raven, come whatplague could have come after it.
Pedro. Yea, marry. Dost thou hear, Balthasar? I pray thee get us someexcellent music; for to-morrow night we would have it at the LadyHero's chamber window.
Balth. The best I can, my lord.
Pedro. Do so. Farewell.
[Exit Balthasar [with Musicians.]Come hither, Leonato. What was it you told me of to-day? thatyour niece Beatrice was in love with Signior Benedick?Claud. O, ay!-[Aside to Pedro] Stalk on, stalk on; the fowl sits. --Idid never think that lady would have loved any man.
Leon. No, nor I neither; but most wonderful that she should so dote onSignior Benedick, whom she hath in all outward behaviours seem'dever to abhor.
Bene. [aside] Is't possible? Sits the wind in that corner?Leon. By my troth, my lord, I cannot tell what to think of it, but thatshe loves him with an enraged affection. It is past the infiniteof thought.
Pedro. May be she doth but counterfeit.
Claud. Faith, like enough.
Leon. O God, counterfeit? There was never counterfeit of passion cameso near the life of passion as she discovers it.
Pedro. Why, what effects of passion shows she?
Claud. [aside] Bait the hook well! This fish will bite.
Leon. What effects, my lord? She will sit you--you heard my daughtertell you how.
Claud. She did indeed.
Pedro. How, how, I pray you? You amaze me. I would have thought herspirit had been invincible against all assaults of affection.
Leon. I would have sworn it had, my lord--especially against Benedick.
Bene. [aside] I should think this a gull but that the white-beardedfellow speaks it. Knavery cannot, sure, hide himself in suchreverence.
Claud. [aside] He hath ta'en th' infection. Hold it up.
Pedro. Hath she made her affection known to Benedick?
Leon. No, and swears she never will. That's her torment.
Claud. 'Tis true indeed. So your daughter says. 'Shall I,' says she,'that have so oft encount'red him with scorn, write to him that Ilove him?'"
Leon. This says she now when she is beginning to write to him; forshe'll be up twenty times a night, and there will she sit in hersmock till she have writ a sheet of paper. My daughter tells usall.
Claud. Now you talk of a sheet of paper, I remember a pretty jest yourdaughter told us of.
Leon. O, when she had writ it, and was reading it over, she found'Benedick' and 'Beatrice' between the sheet?
Claud. That.
Leon. O, she tore the letter into a thousand halfpence, rail'd atherself that she should be so immodest to write to one that sheknew would flout her. 'I measure him,' says she, 'by my ownspirit; for I should flout him if he writ to me. Yea, though Ilove him, I should.'
Claud. Then down upon her knees she falls, weeps, sobs, beats her heart,tears her hair, prays, curses--'O sweet Benedick! God give mepatience!'
Leon. She doth indeed; my daughter says so. And the ecstasy hath somuch overborne her that my daughter is sometime afeard she willdo a desperate outrage to herself. It is very true.
Pedro. It were good that Benedick knew of it by some other, if she willnot discover it.
Claud. To what end? He would make but a sport of it and torment the poorlady worse.
Pedro. An he should, it were an alms to hang him! She's an excellentsweet lady, and (out of all suspicion) she is virtuous.
Claud. And she is exceeding wise.
Pedro. In everything but in loving Benedick.
Leon. O, my lord, wisdom and blood combating in so tender a body, wehave ten proofs to one that blood hath the victory. I am sorryfor her, as I have just cause, being her uncle and herguardian.
Pedro. I would she had bestowed this dotage on me. I would have daff'dall other respects and made her half myself. I pray you tellBenedick of it and hear what 'a will say.
Leon. Were it good, think you?
Claud. Hero thinks surely she will die; for she says she will die if helove her not, and she will die ere she make her love known, andshe will die, if he woo her, rather than she will bate onebreath of her accustomed crossness.
Pedro. She doth well. If she should make tender of her love, 'tis verypossible he'll scorn it; for the man (as you know all) hath acontemptible spirit.
Claud. He is a very proper man.
Pedro. He hath indeed a good outward happiness.
Claud. Before God! and in my mind, very wise.
Pedro. He doth indeed show some sparks that are like wit.
Claud. And I take him to be valiant.
Pedro. As Hector, I assure you; and in the managing of quarrels you maysay he is wise, for either he avoids them with great discretion,or undertakes them with a most Christianlike fear.
Leon. If he do fear God, 'a must necessarily keep peace. If he breakthe peace, he ought to enter into a quarrel with fear andtrembling.
Pedro.And so will he do; for the man doth fear God, howsoever it seemsnot in him by some large jests he will make. Well, I am sorry foryour niece. Shall we go seek Benedick and tell him of her love?Claud. Never tell him, my lord. Let her wear it out with good counsel.
Leon. Nay, that's impossible; she may wear her heart out first.
Pedro. Well, we will hear further of it by your daughter. Let it coolthe while. I love Benedick well, and I could wish he wouldmodestly examine himself to see how much he is unworthy so good alady.
Leon. My lord, will you walk? Dinner is ready.
[They walk away.] Claud. If he dote on her upon this, I will never trust my expectation.
Pedro. Let there be the same net spread for her, and that must yourdaughter and her gentlewomen carry. The sport will be, when theyhold one an opinion of another's dotage, and no such matter. That's the scene that I would see, which will be merely a dumb show. Let us send her to call him in to dinner.
[Exeunt Don Pedro, Claudio, and Leonato.] [Benedick advances from the arbour.]
Bene. This can be no trick. The conference was sadly borne; they havethe truth of this from Hero; they seem to pity the lady. Itseems her affections have their full bent. Love me? Why, it mustbe requited. I hear how I am censur'd. They say I will bearmyself proudly if I perceive the love come from her. They say toothat she will rather die than give any sign of affection. I didnever think to marry. I must not seem proud. Happy are they thathear their detractions and can put them to mending. They say thelady is fair--'tis a truth, I can bear them witness; andvirtuous--'tis so, I cannot reprove it; and wise, but for lovingme--by my troth, it is no addition to her wit, nor no greatargument of her folly, for I will be horribly in love with her. Imay chance have some odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on mebecause I have railed so long against marriage. But doth not theappetite alters? A man loves the meat in his youth that he cannotendure in his age. Shall quips and sentences and these paperbullets of the brain awe a man from the career of his humour? No,the world must be peopled. When I said I would die a bachelor, Idid not think I should live till I were married.
[Enter Beatrice.]
Here comes Beatrice. By this day, she's a fair lady! I do spysome marks of love in her.
Beat. Against my will I am sent to bid You come in to dinner.
Bene. Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your pains.
Beat. I took no more pains for those thanks than you take pains tothank me. If it had been painful, I would not have come.
Bene. You take pleasure then in the message?
Beat. Yea, just so much as you may take upon a knives point, and chokea daw withal. You have no stomach, signior. Fare you well.[Exit.]
Bene. Ha! 'Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.' There's a double meaning in that. 'I took no more pains for thosethanks than you took pains to thank me.' That's as much as to say, 'Any pains that I take for you is as easy as thanks.' If Ido not take pity of her, I am a villain; if I do not love her, Iam a Jew. I will go get her picture. [Exit.]
<>

ACT III.
Scene I.
Leonato's orchard.
[Enter Hero and two Gentlewomen, Margaret and Ursula.]Hero. Good Margaret, run thee to the parlour.There shalt thou find my cousin BeatriceProposing with the Prince and Claudio.Whisper her ear and tell her, I and UrsleyWalk in the orchard, and our whole discourseIs all of her. Say that thou overheard'st us;And bid her steal into the pleached bower,Where honeysuckles, ripened by the sun,Forbid the sun to enter--like favourites,Made proud by princes, that advance their prideAgainst that power that bred it. There will she hide herTo listen our propose. This is thy office.Bear thee well in it and leave us alone.
Marg. I'll make her come, I warrant you, presently. [Exit.]Hero. Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come,As we do trace this alley up and down,Our talk must only be of Benedick. When I do name him, let it be thy partTo praise him more than ever man did merit.My talk to thee must be how BenedickIs sick in love with Beatrice. Of this matterIs little Cupid's crafty arrow made,That only wounds by hearsay.
[Enter Beatrice.]
Now begin;For look where Beatrice like a lapwing runsClose by the ground, to hear our conference.
[Beatrice hides in the arbour].
Urs. The pleasant'st angling is to see the fishCut with her golden oars the silver streamAnd greedily devour the treacherous bait.So angle we for Beatrice, who even nowIs couched in the woodbine coverture. Fear you not my part of the dialogue.
Hero. Then go we near her, that her ear lose nothingOf the false sweet bait that we lay for it.
[They approach the arbour.]No, truly, Ursula, she is too disdainful.I know her spirits are as coy and wildAs haggards of the rock.
Urs. But are you sureThat Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely?
Hero. So says the Prince, and my new-trothed lord.
Urs. And did they bid you tell her of it, madam?
Hero. They did entreat me to acquaint her of it;But I persuaded them, if they lov'd Benedick,To wish him wrestle with affectionAnd never to let Beatrice know of it.
Urs. Why did you so? Doth not the gentlemanDeserve as full, as fortunate a bedAs ever Beatrice shall couch upon?
Hero. O god of love! I know he doth deserveAs much as may be yielded to a man: But Nature never fram'd a woman's heartOf prouder stuff than that of Beatrice.Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes,Misprizing what they look on; and her witValues itself so highly that to herAll matter else seems weak. She cannot love,Nor take no shape nor project of affection,She is so self-endeared.
Urs. Sure I think so;And therefore certainly it were not goodShe knew his love, lest she'll make sport at it.
Hero. Why, you speak truth. I never yet saw man,How wise, how noble, young, how rarely featur'd,But she would spell him backward. If fair-fac'd,She would swear the gentleman should be her sister;If black, why, Nature, drawing of an antic,Made a foul blot; if tall, a lance ill-headed;If low, an agate very vilely cut;If speaking, why, a vane blown with all winds;If silent, why, a block moved with none. So turns she every man the wrong side outAnd never gives to truth and virtue thatWhich simpleness and merit purchaseth.
Urs. Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable.
Hero. No, not to be so odd, and from all fashions,As Beatrice is, cannot be commendable.But who dare tell her so? If I should speak,She would mock me into air; O, she would laugh meOut of myself, press me to death with wit!Therefore let Benedick, like cover'd fire,Consume away in sighs, waste inwardly.It were a better death than die with mocks,Which is as bad as die with tickling.
Urs. Yet tell her of it. Hear what she will say.
Hero. No; rather I will go to BenedickAnd counsel him to fight against his passion.And truly, I'll devise some honest slandersTo stain my cousin with. One doth not knowHow much an ill word may empoison liking.
Urs. O, do not do your cousin such a wrong! She cannot be so much without true judgment(Having so swift and excellent a witAs she is priz'd to have) as to refuseSo rare a gentleman as Signior Benedick.
Hero. He is the only man of Italy,Always excepted my dear Claudio.
Urs. I pray you be not angry with me, madam,Speaking my fancy: Signior Benedick,For shape, for bearing, argument, and valour,Goes foremost in report through Italy.
Hero. Indeed he hath an excellent good name.
Urs. His excellence did earn it ere he had it.When are you married, madam?
Hero. Why, every day to-morrow! Come, go in.I'll show thee some attires, and have thy counselWhich is the best to furnish me to-morrow.
[They walk away.]Urs. She's lim'd, I warrant you! We have caught her, madam.
Hero. If it prove so, then loving goes by haps;Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.
[Exeunt Hero and Ursula.][Beatrice advances from the arbour.]
Beat. What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true?Stand I condemn'd for pride and scorn so much?Contempt, farewell! and maiden pride, adieu!No glory lives behind the back of such.And, Benedick, love on; I will requite thee,Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand.If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite theeTo bind our loves up in a holy band;For others say thou dost deserve, and IBelieve it better than reportingly. [Exit.]
Scene II.
A room in Leonato's house.
[Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, and Leonato.]
Pedro. I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and then go Itoward Arragon.
Claud. I'll bring you thither, my lord, if you'll vouchsafe me.
Pedro. Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new gloss of yourmarriage as to show a child his new coat and forbid him to wearit. I will only be bold with Benedick for his company; for,from the crown of his head to the sole of his foot, he is allmirth. He hath twice or thrice cut Cupid's bowstring, and thelittle hangman dare not shoot at him. He hath a heart as sound asa bell; and his tongue is the clapper, for what his heart thinks,his tongue speaks.
Bene. Gallants, I am not as I have been.
Leon. So say I. Methinks you are sadder.
Claud. I hope he be in love.
Pedro. Hang him, truant! There's no true drop of blood in him to betruly touch'd with love. If he be sad, he wants money.
Bene. I have the toothache.
Pedro. Draw it.
Bene. Hang it!
Claud. You must hang it first and draw it afterwards.
Pedro. What? sigh for the toothache?
Leon. Where is but a humour or a worm.
Bene. Well, every one can master a grief but he that has it.
Claud. Yet say I he is in love.
Pedro. There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be a fancy thathe hath to strange disguises; as to be a Dutchman to-day, aFrenchman to-morrow; or in the shape of two countries at once, asa German from the waist downward, all slops, and a Spaniard fromthe hip upward, no doublet. Unless he have a fancy to thisfoolery, as it appears he hath, he is no fool for fancy, as youwould have it appear he is.
Claud. If he be not in love with some woman, there is no believing oldsigns. 'A brushes his hat o' mornings. What should that bode?Pedro. Hath any man seen him at the barber's?
Claud. No, but the barber's man hath been seen with him, and the oldornament of his cheek hath already stuff'd tennis balls.
Leon. Indeed he looks younger than he did, by the loss of a beard.
Pedro. Nay, 'a rubs himself with civet. Can you smell him out by that?Claud. That's as much as to say, the sweet youth's in love.
Pedro. The greatest note of it is his melancholy.
Claud. And when was he wont to wash his face?
Pedro. Yea, or to paint himself? for the which I hear what they say ofhim.
Claud. Nay, but his jesting spirit, which is new-crept into alutestring, and now govern'd by stops.
Pedro. Indeed that tells a heavy tale for him. Conclude, conclude, he isin love.
Claud. Nay, but I know who loves him.
Pedro. That would I know too. I warrant, one that knows him not.
Claud. Yes, and his ill conditions; and in despite of all, dies for him.
Pedro. She shall be buried with her face upwards.
Bene. Yet is this no charm for the toothache. Old signior, walk asidewith me. I have studied eight or nine wise words to speak to you,which these hobby-horses must not hear.
[Exeunt Benedick and Leonato.] Pedro. For my life, to break with him about Beatrice!
Claud. 'Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by this played their partswith Beatrice, and then the two bears will not bite one anotherwhen they meet.
[Enter John the Bastard.]
John. My lord and brother, God save you.
Pedro. Good den, brother.
John. If your leisure serv'd, I would speak with you.
Pedro. In private?
John. If it please you. Yet Count Claudio may hear, for what I wouldspeak of concerns him.
Pedro. What's the matter?
John. [to Claudio] Means your lordship to be married tomorrow?Pedro. You know he does.
John. I know not that, when he knows what I know.
Claud. If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it.
John. You may think I love you not. Let that appear hereafter, and aimbetter at me by that I now will manifest. For my brother, I thinkhe holds you well and in dearness of heart hath help to effectyour ensuing marriage--surely suit ill spent and labour illbestowed!
Pedro. Why, what's the matter?
John. I came hither to tell you, and, circumstances short'ned (for shehas been too long a-talking of), the lady is disloyal.
Claud. Who? Hero?
John. Even she--Leonato's Hero, your Hero, every man's Hero.
Claud. Disloyal?
John. The word is too good to paint out her wickedness. I could say shewere worse; think you of a worse title, and I will fit her to it.Wonder not till further warrant. Go but with me to-night, youshall see her chamber window ent'red, even the night before herwedding day. If you love her then, to-morrow wed her. But itwould better fit your honour to change your mind.
Claud. May this be so?
Pedro. I will not think it.
John. If you dare not trust that you see, confess not that you know. Ifyou will follow me, I will show you enough; and when you haveseen more and heard more, proceed accordingly.
Claud. If I see anything to-night why I should not marry her to-morrow,in the congregation where I should wed, there will I shame her.
Pedro. And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join with thee todisgrace her.
John. I will disparage her no farther till you are my witnesses. Bearit coldly but till midnight, and let the issue show itself.
Pedro. O day untowardly turned!
Claud. O mischief strangely thwarting!
John. O plague right well prevented! So will you say when you haveseen the Sequel.
[Exeunt.]
Scene III.
A street.
[Enter Dogberry and his compartner [Verges], with the Watch.]Dog. Are you good men and true?
Verg. Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer salvation, bodyand soul.
Dog. Nay, that were a punishment too good for them if they should haveany allegiance in them, being chosen for the Prince's watch.
Verg. Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogberry.
Dog. First, who think you the most desartless man to be constable?1. Watch. Hugh Oatcake, sir, or George Seacoal; for they can write andread.
Dog. Come hither, neighbour Seacoal. God hath bless'd you with a goodname. To be a well-favoured man is the gift of fortune, but towrite and read comes by nature.
2. Watch. Both which, Master Constable--
Dog. You have. I knew it would be your answer. Well, for your favour,sir, why, give God thanks and make no boast of it; and for yourwriting and reading, let that appear when there is no need ofsuch vanity. You are thought here to be the most senseless andfit man for the constable of the watch. Therefore bear you thelanthorn. This is your charge: you shall comprehend all vagrommen; you are to bid any man stand, in the Prince's name.
2. Watch. How if 'a will not stand?
Dog. Why then, take no note of him, but let him go, and presently callthe rest of the watch together and thank God you are rid of aknave.
Verg. If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none of thePrince's subjects.
Dog. True, and they are to meddle with none but the Prince's subjects.You shall also make no noise in the streets; for the watch tobabble and to talk is most tolerable, and not to be endured.
2. Watch. We will rather sleep than talk. We know what belongs to a watch.
Dog. Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet watchman, for Icannot see how sleeping should offend. Only have a care that yourbills be not stol'n. Well, you are to call at all thealehouses and bid those that are drunk get them to bed.
2. Watch. How if they will not?
Dog. Why then, let them alone till they are sober. If they make younot then the better answer, You may say they are not the men youtook them for.
2. Watch. Well, sir.
Dog. If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue of youroffice, to be no true man; and for such kind of men, the less youmeddle or make with them, why, the more your honesty.
2. Watch. If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay hands on him?Dog. Truly, by your office you may; but I think they that touch pitchwill be defil'd. The most peaceable way for you, if you do take athief, is to let him show himself what he is, andsteal out of your company.
Verg. You have been always called a merciful man, partner.
Dog. Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more a man whohath any honesty in him.
Verg. If you hear a child cry in the night, you must call to the nurseand bid her still it.
2. Watch. How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?
Dog. Why then, depart in peace and let the child wake her with crying;for the ewe that will not hear her lamb when it baes will neveranswer a calf when he bleats.
Verg. 'Tis very true.
Dog. This is the end of the charge: you, constable, are to present thePrince's own person. If you meet the Prince in the night, you maystay him.
Verg. Nay, by'r lady, that I think 'a cannot.
Dog. Five shillings to one on't with any man that knows the statutes,he may stay him! Marry, not without the Prince be willing; forindeed the watch ought to offend no man, and it isan offence to stay a man against his will.
Verg. By'r lady, I think it be so.
Dog. Ha, ah, ha! Well, masters, good night. An there be any matter ofweight chances, call up me. Keep your fellows' counsels and yourown, and good night. Come, neighbour.
2. Watch. Well, masters, we hear our charge. Let us go sit here upon thechurch bench till two, and then all to bed.
Dog. One word more, honest neighbours. I pray you watch about SigniorLeonato's door; for the wedding being there tomorrow, there is agreat coil to-night. Adieu. Be vigitant, I beseech you.
[Exeunt Dogberry and Verges.]
[Enter Borachio and Conrade.]
Bora. What, Conrade!
2. Watch. [aside] Peace! stir not!
Bora. Conrade, I say!
Con. Here, man. I am at thy elbow.
Bora. Mass, and my elbow itch'd! I thought there would a scab follow.
Con. I will owe thee an answer for that; and now forward with thytale.
Bora. Stand thee close then under this penthouse, for it drizzles rain,and I will, like a true drunkard, utter all to thee.
2. Watch. [aside] Some treason, masters. Yet stand close.
Bora. Therefore know I have earned of Don John a thousand ducats.
Con. Is it possible that any villany should be so dear?
Bora. Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any villany shouldbe so rich; for when rich villains have need of poor ones, poorones may make what price they will.
Con. I wonder at it.
Bora. That shows thou art unconfirm'd. Thou knowest that the fashion ofa doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is nothing to a man.
Con. Yes, it is apparel.
Bora. I mean the fashion.
Con. Yes, the fashion is the fashion.
Bora. Tush! I may as well say the fool's the fool. But seest thou notwhat a deformed thief this fashion is?
2. Watch. [aside] I know that Deformed. 'A bas been a vile thief this sevenyear; 'a goes up and down like a gentleman. I remember his name.
Bora. Didst thou not hear somebody?
Con. No; 'twas the vane on the house.
Bora. Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief this fashion is? howgiddily 'a turns about all the hot-bloods between fourteen andfive-and-thirty? sometimes fashioning them like Pharaoh'ssoldiers in the reechy painting, sometime like god Bel's priestsin the old church window, sometime like the shaven Hercules inthe smirch'd worm-eaten tapestry, where his codpiece seems asmassy as his club?
Con. All this I see; and I see that the fashion wears out more apparelthan the man. But art not thou thyself giddy with the fashiontoo, that thou hast shifted out of thy tale into telling me ofthe fashion?
Bora. Not so neither. But know that I have to-night wooed Margaret, theLady Hero's gentlewoman, by the name of Hero. She leans me out ather mistress' chamber window, bids me a thousand times goodnight--I tell this tale vilely; I should first tell thee how thePrince, Claudio and my master, planted and placed and possessedby my master Don John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiableencounter.
Con. And thought they Margaret was Hero?
Bora. Two of them did, the Prince and Claudio; but the devil my masterknew she was Margaret; and partly by his oaths, which firstpossess'd them, partly by the dark night, which diddeceive them, but chiefly by my villany, which did confirm anyslander that Don John had made, away went Claudio enrag'd; sworehe would meet her, as he was appointed, next morning at thetemple, and there, before the whole congregation, shame her withwhat hesaw o'ernight and send her home again without a husband.
2. Watch. We charge you in the Prince's name stand!
1. Watch. Call up the right Master Constable. We have here recover'd themost dangerous piece of lechery that ever was known in thecommonwealth.
2. Watch. And one Deformed is one of them. I know him; 'a wears a lock.
Con. Masters, masters--
1. Watch. You'll be made bring Deformed forth, I warrant you.
Con. Masters--
2. Watch. Never speak, we charge you. Let us obey you to go with us.
Bora. We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being taken up of thesemen's bills.
Con. A commodity in question, I warrant you. Come, we'll obey you.
[Exeunt.]
Scene IV.
A Room in Leonato's house.
[Enter Hero, and Margaret and Ursula.]
Hero. Good Ursula, wake my cousin Beatrice and desire her to rise.
Urs. I will, lady.
Hero. And bid her come hither.
Urs. Well. [Exit.]Marg. Troth, I think your other rebato were better.
Hero. No, pray thee, good Meg, I'll wear this.
Marg. By my troth, 's not so good, and I warrant your cousin will sayso.
Hero. My cousin's a fool, and thou art another. I'll wear none butthis.
Marg. I like the new tire within excellently, if the hair were athought browner; and your gown's a most rare fashion, i' faith. I saw the Duchess of Milan's gown that they praise so.
Hero. O, that exceeds, they say.
Marg. By my troth, 's but a nightgown in respect ofyours--cloth-o'-gold and cuts, and lac'd with silver, set withpearls down sleeves, side-sleeves, and skirts, round underbornewith a blush tinsel. But for a fine, quaint, graceful, andexcellent fashion, yours is worth ten on't.
Hero. God give me joy to wear it! for my heart is exceeding heavy.
Marg. 'Twill be heavier soon by the weight of a man.
Hero. Fie upon thee! art not ashamed?
Marg. Of what, lady? of speaking honourably? Is not marriage honourablein a beggar? Is not your lord honourable without marriage? Ithink you would have me say, 'saving yourreverence, a husband.' An bad thinking do not wrest truespeaking, I'll offend nobody. Is there any harm in 'the heavierfor a husband'? None, I think, an it be the right husband andthe right wife. Otherwise 'tis light, and not heavy. Ask my LadyBeatrice else.Here she comes.
[Enter Beatrice.]
Hero. Good morrow, coz.
Beat. Good morrow, sweet Hero.
Hero. Why, how now? Do you speak in the sick tune?
Beat. I am out of all other tune, methinks.
Marg. Clap's into 'Light o' love.' That goes without a burden. Do yousing it, and I'll dance it.
Beat. Yea, 'Light o' love' with your heels! then, if your husband havestables enough, you'll see he shall lack no barnes.
Marg. O illegitimate construction! I scorn that with my heels.
Beat. 'Tis almost five o'clock, cousin; 'tis time you were ready.By my troth, I am exceeding ill. Hey-ho!
Marg. For a hawk, a horse, or a husband?
Beat. For the letter that begins them all, H.
Marg. Well, an you be not turn'd Turk, there's no more sailing by thestar.
Beat. What means the fool, trow?
Marg. Nothing I; but God send every one their heart's desire!Hero. These gloves the Count sent me, they are an excellent perfume.
Beat. I am stuff'd, cousin; I cannot smell.
Marg. A maid, and stuff'd! There's goodly catching of cold.
Beat. O, God help me! God help me! How long have you profess'dapprehension?
Marg. Ever since you left it. Doth not my wit become me rarely?Beat. It is not seen enough. You should wear it in your cap. By mytroth, I am sick.
Marg. Get you some of this distill'd carduus benedictus and lay it toyour heart. It is the only thing for a qualm.
Hero. There thou prick'st her with a thistle.
Beat. Benedictus? why benedictus? You have some moral in this'benedictus.'
Marg. Moral? No, by my troth, I have no moral meaning; I meant plainholy thistle. You may think perchance that I think you are inlove. Nay, by'r lady, I am not such a fool to think what I list;nor I list not to think what I can; nor indeed I cannot think, ifI would think my heart out of thinking, that you are in love, orthat you will be in love, or that you can be inlove. Yet Benedick was such another, and now is he become a man.He swore he would never marry; and yet now in despite of hisheart he eats his meat without grudging; and how you may beconverted I know not, but methinks you look with your eyes asother women do.
Beat. What pace is this that thy tongue keeps?
Marg. Not a false gallop.
[Enter Ursula.]
Urs. Madam, withdraw. The Prince, the Count, Signior Benedick, DonJohn, and all the gallants of the town are come to fetch you tochurch.
Hero. Help to dress me, good coz, good Meg, good Ursula.
[Exeunt.]
Scene V.
The hall in Leonato's house.
[Enter Leonato and the Constable [Dogberry] and theHeadborough[verges.]
Leon. What would you with me, honest neighbour?
Dog. Marry, sir, I would have some confidence with you that decernsyou nearly.
Leon. Brief, I pray you; for you see it is a busy time with me.
Dog. Marry, this it is, sir.
Verg. Yes, in truth it is, sir.
Leon. What is it, my good friends?
Dog. Goodman Verges, sir, speaks a little off the matter--an old man,sir, and his wits are not so blunt as, God help, I would desirethey were; but, in faith, honest as the skin between his brows.
Verg. Yes, I thank God I am as honest as any man living that is an oldman and no honester than I.
Dog. Comparisons are odorous. Palabras, neighbour Verges.
Leon. Neighbours, you are tedious.
Dog. It pleases your worship to say so, but we are the poor Duke'sofficers; but truly, for mine own part, if I were as tedious as aking, I could find in my heart to bestow it all of yourworship.
Leon. All thy tediousness on me, ah?
Dog. Yea, in 'twere a thousand pound more than 'tis; for I hear asgood exclamation on your worship as of any man in the city; andthough I be but a poor man, I am glad to hear it.
Verg. And so am I.
Leon. I would fain know what you have to say.
Verg. Marry, sir, our watch to-night, excepting your worship'spresence, ha' ta'en a couple of as arrant knaves as any inMessina.
Dog. A good old man, sir; he will be talking. As they say, 'When theage is in, the wit is out.' God help us! it is a world to see!Well said, i' faith, neighbour Verges. Well, God's agood man. An two men ride of a horse, one must ride behind. Anhonest soul, i' faith, sir, by my troth he is, as ever brokebread; but God is to be worshipp'd; all men are not alike, alas,good neighbour!
Leon. Indeed, neighbour, he comes too short of you.
Dog. Gifts that God gives.
Leon. I must leave you.
Dog. One word, sir. Our watch, sir, have indeed comprehended twoaspicious persons, and we would have them this morning examinedbefore your worship.
Leon. Take their examination yourself and bring it me. I am now ingreat haste, as it may appear unto you.
Dog. It shall be suffigance.
Leon. Drink some wine ere you go. Fare you well.
[Enter a Messenger.]
Mess. My lord, they stay for you to give your daughter to her husband.
Leon. I'll wait upon them. I am ready.
[Exeunt Leonato and Messenger.]Dog. Go, good partner, go get you to Francis Seacoal; bid him bringhis pen and inkhorn to the jail. We are now to examination thesemen.
Verg. And we must do it wisely.
Dog. We will spare for no wit, I warrant you. Here's that shall drivesome of them to a non-come. Only get the learned writer to setdown our excommunication, and meet me at the jail.
[Exeunt.]
<>
ACT IV. Scene I.
A church.
[Enter Don Pedro, [John the] Bastard, Leonato, Friar [Francis],Claudio, Benedick, Hero, Beatrice, [and Attendants.]Leon. Come, Friar Francis, be brief. Only to the plain form ofmarriage, and you shall recount their particular dutiesafterwards.
Friar. You come hither, my lord, to marry this lady?
Claud. No.
Leon. To be married to her. Friar, you come to marry her.
Friar. Lady, you come hither to be married to this count?
Hero. I do.
Friar. If either of you know any inward impediment why you should not beconjoined, I charge you on your souls to utter it.
Claud. Know you any, Hero?
Hero. None, my lord.
Friar. Know you any, Count?
Leon. I dare make his answer--none.
Claud. O, what men dare do! what men may do! what men daily do, notknowing what they do!
Bene. How now? interjections? Why then, some be of laughing, as, ah,ha, he!
Claud. Stand thee by, friar. Father, by your leave: Will you with free and unconstrained soulGive me this maid your daughter?
Leon. As freely, son, as God did give her me.
Claud. And what have I to give you back whose worthMay counterpoise this rich and precious gift?
Pedro. Nothing, unless you render her again.
Claud. Sweet Prince, you learn me noble thankfulness.There, Leonato, take her back again.Give not this rotten orange to your friend.She's but the sign and semblance of her honour.Behold how like a maid she blushes here!O, what authority and show of truthCan cunning sin cover itself withal!Comes not that blood as modest evidenceTo witness simple virtue, Would you not swear,All you that see her, that she were a maidBy these exterior shows? But she is none: She knows the heat of a luxurious bed;Her blush is guiltiness, not modesty.
Leon. What do you mean, my lord?
Claud. Not to be married,Not to knit my soul to an approved wanton.
Leon. Dear my lord, if you, in your own proof,Have vanquish'd the resistance of her youthAnd made defeat of her virginity--
Claud. I know what you would say. If I have known her,You will say she did embrace me as a husband,And so extenuate the forehand sin.No, Leonato,I never tempted her with word too large,But, as a brother to his sister, show'dBashful sincerity and comely love.
Hero. And seem'd I ever otherwise to you?
Claud. Out on the seeming! I will write against it.You seem to me as Dian in her orb,As chaste as is the bud ere it be blown;But you are more intemperate in your blood Than Venus, or those pamp'red animalsThat rage in savage sensuality.
Hero. Is my lord well that he doth speak so wide?
Leon. Sweet Prince, why speak not you?
Pedro. What should I speak?I stand dishonour'd that have gone aboutTo link my dear friend to a common stale.
Leon. Are these things spoken, or do I but dream?
John. Sir, they are spoken, and these things are true.
Bene. This looks not like a nuptial.
Hero. 'True!' O God!
Claud. Leonato, stand I here?Is this the Prince, Is this the Prince's brother?Is this face Hero's? Are our eyes our own?
Leon. All this is so; but what of this, my lord?
Claud. Let me but move one question to your daughter,And by that fatherly and kindly powerThat you have in her, bid her answer truly.
Leon. I charge thee do so, as thou art my child.
Hero. O, God defend me! How am I beset! What kind of catechising call you this?
Claud. To make you answer truly to your name.
Hero. Is it not Hero? Who can blot that nameWith any just reproach?
Claud. Marry, that can Hero! Hero itself can blot out Hero's virtue.What man was he talk'd with you yesternight,Out at your window betwixt twelve and one?Now, if you are a maid, answer to this.
Hero. I talk'd with no man at that hour, my lord.
Pedro. Why, then are you no maiden. Leonato,I am sorry you must hear. Upon my honour,Myself, my brother, and this grieved CountDid see her, hear her, at that hour last nightTalk with a ruffian at her chamber window,Who hath indeed, most like a liberal villain,Confess'd the vile encounters they have hadA thousand times in secret.
John. Fie, fie! they are not to be nam'd, my lord--Not to be spoke of; There is not chastity, enough in languageWithout offence to utter them. Thus, pretty lady,I am sorry for thy much misgovernment.
Claud. O Hero! what a Hero hadst thou beenIf half thy outward graces had been plac'dAbout thy thoughts and counsels of thy heart!But fare thee well, most foul, most fair! Farewell,Thou pure impiety and impious purity!For thee I'll lock up all the gates of love,And on my eyelids shall conjecture hang,To turn all beauty into thoughts of harm,And never shall it more be gracious.
Leon. Hath no man's dagger here a point for me?
[Hero swoons.]Beat. Why, how now, cousin? Wherefore sink you down?
John. Come let us go. These things, come thus to light,Smother her spirits up.
[Exeunt Don Pedro, Don Juan, and Claudio.]Bene. How doth the lady?
Beat. Dead, I think. Help, uncle! Hero! why, Hero! Uncle! Signior Benedick! Friar!
Leon. O Fate, take not away thy heavy hand!Death is the fairest cover for her shameThat may be wish'd for.
Beat. How now, cousin Hero?
Friar. Have comfort, lady.
Leon. Dost thou look up?
Friar. Yea, wherefore should she not?
Leon. Wherefore? Why, doth not every earthly thingCry shame upon her? Could she here denyThe story that is printed in her blood?Do not live, Hero; do not ope thine eyes;For, did I think thou wouldst not quickly die,Thought I thy spirits were stronger than thy shames,Myself would on the rearward of reproachesStrike at thy life. Griev'd I, I had but one?Child I for that at frugal nature's frame?O, one too much by thee! Why had I one?Why ever wast thou lovely in my eyes?Why had I not with charitable hand Took up a beggar's issue at my gates,Who smirched thus and mir'd with infamy,I might have said, 'No part of it is mine;This shame derives itself from unknown loins'?But mine, and mine I lov'd, and mine I prais'd,And mine that I was proud on--mine so muchThat I myself was to myself not mine,Valuing of her--why, she, O, she is fall'nInto a pit of ink, that the wide seaHath drops too few to wash her clean again,And salt too little which may season giveTo her foul tainted flesh!
Bene. Sir, sir, be patient.For my part, I am so attir'd in wonder,I know not what to say.
Beat. O, on my soul, my cousin is belied!
Bene. Lady, were you her bedfellow last night?
Beat. No, truly, not; although, until last night,I have this twelvemonth been her bedfellow.
Leon. Confirm'd, confirm'd! O, that is stronger made Which was before barr'd up with ribs of iron!Would the two princes lie? and Claudio lie,Who lov'd her so that, speaking of her foulness,Wash'd it with tears? Hence from her! let her die.
Friar. Hear me a little;For I have only been silent so long,And given way unto this course of fortune,By noting of the lady. I have mark'dA thousand blushing apparitionsTo start into her face, a thousand innocent shamesIn angel whiteness beat away those blushes,And in her eye there hath appear'd a fireTo burn the errors that these princes holdAgainst her maiden truth. Call me a fool;Trust not my reading nor my observation,Which with experimental seal doth warrantThe tenure of my book; trust not my age,My reverence, calling, nor divinity,If this sweet lady lie not guiltless hereUnder some biting error.
Leon. Friar, it cannot be.Thou seest that all the grace that she hath leftIs that she will not add to her damnationA sin of perjury: she not denies it.Why seek'st thou then to cover with excuseThat which appears in proper nakedness?
Friar. Lady, what man is he you are accus'd of?
Hero. They know that do accuse me; I know none.If I know more of any man aliveThan that which maiden modesty doth warrant,Let all my sins lack mercy! O my father,Prove you that any man with me convers'dAt hours unmeet, or that I yesternightMaintain'd the change of words with any creature,Refuse me, hate me, torture me to death!
Friar. There is some strange misprision in the princes.
Bene. Two of them have the very bent of honour;And if their wisdoms be misled in this,The practice of it lives in John the bastard,Whose spirits toil in frame of villanies.
Leon. I know not. If they speak but truth of her,These hands shall tear her. If they wrong her honour,The proudest of them shall well hear of it.Time hath not yet so dried this blood of mine,Nor age so eat up my invention,Nor fortune made such havoc of my means,Nor my bad life reft me so much of friends,But they shall find awak'd in such a kindBoth strength of limb and policy of mind,Ability in means, and choice of friends,To quit me of them throughly.
Friar. Pause awhileAnd let my counsel sway you in this case.Your daughter here the princes left for dead,Let her awhile be secretly kept in,And publish it that she is dead indeed;Maintain a mourning ostentation,And on your family's old monumentHang mournful epitaphs, and do all ritesThat appertain unto a burial.
Leon. What shall become of this? What will this do?
Friar. Marry, this well carried shall on her behalfChange slander to remorse. That is some good.But not for that dream I on this strange course,But on this travail look for greater birth.She dying, as it must be so maintain'd,Upon the instant that she was accus'd,Shall be lamented, pitied, and excus'dOf every hearer; for it so falls outThat what we have we prize not to the worthWhiles we enjoy it, but being lack'd and lost,Why, then we rack the value, then we findThe virtue that possession would not show usWhiles it was ours. So will it fare with Claudio.When he shall hear she died upon his words,Th' idea of her life shall sweetly creepInto his study of imagination,And every lovely organ of her lifeShall come apparell'd in more precious habit,More moving, delicate, and full of life, Into the eye and prospect of his soulThan when she liv'd indeed. Then shall he mourn(If ever love had interest in his liver)And wish he had not so accused her--No, though he thought his accusation true.Let this be so, and doubt not but successWill fashion the event in better shapeThan I can lay it down in likelihood.But if all aim but this be levell'd false,The supposition of the lady's deathWill quench the wonder of her infamy.And if it sort not well, you may conceal her,As best befits her wounded reputation,In some reclusive and religious life,Out of all eyes, tongues, minds, and injuries.
Bene. Signior Leonato, let the friar advise you;And though you know my inwardness and loveIs very much unto the Prince and Claudio,Yet, by mine honour, I will deal in thisAs secretly and justly as your soul Should with your body.
Leon. Being that I flow in grief,The smallest twine may lead me.
Friar. 'Tis well consented. Presently away;For to strange sores strangely they strain the cure.Come, lady, die to live. This wedding dayPerhaps is but prolong'd. Have patience and endure.
[Exeunt all but Benedick and Beatrice.]Bene. Lady Beatrice, have you wept all this while?
Beat. Yea, and I will weep a while longer.
Bene. I will not desire that.
Beat. You have no reason. I do it freely.
Bene. Surely I do believe your fair cousin is wronged.
Beat. Ah, how much might the man deserve of me that would right her!Bene. Is there any way to show such friendship?
Beat. A very even way, but no such friend.
Bene. May a man do it?
Beat. It is a man's office, but not yours.
Bene. I do love nothing in the world so well as you. Is not thatstrange?
Beat. As strange as the thing I know not. It were as possible for me tosay I loved nothing so well as you. But believe me not; and yet Ilie not. I confess nothing, nor I deny nothing. I am sorry for mycousin.
Bene. By my sword, Beatrice, thou lovest me.
Beat. Do not swear, and eat it.
Bene. I will swear by it that you love me, and I will make him eat itthat says I love not you.
Beat. Will you not eat your word?
Bene. With no sauce that can be devised to it. I protest I love thee.
Beat. Why then, God forgive me!
Bene. What offence, sweet Beatrice?
Beat. You have stayed me in a happy hour. I was about to protest Iloved you.
Bene. And do it with all thy heart.
Beat. I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest.
Bene. Come, bid me do anything for thee.
Beat. Kill Claudio.
Bene. Ha! not for the wide world!
Beat. You kill me to deny it. Farewell.
Bene. Tarry, sweet Beatrice.
Beat. I am gone, though I am here. There is no love in you. Nay, Ipray you let me go.
Bene. Beatrice--
Beat. In faith, I will go.
Bene. We'll be friends first.
Beat. You dare easier be friends with me than fight with mine enemy.
Bene. Is Claudio thine enemy?
Beat. Is 'a not approved in the height a villain, that hath slandered,scorned, dishonoured my kinswoman? O that I were a man! What?bear her in hand until they come to take hands,and then with public accusation, uncover'd slander, unmitigatedrancour--O God, that I were a man! I would eat his heart in themarket place.
Bene. Hear me, Beatrice!
Beat. Talk with a man out at a window!-a proper saying!
Bene. Nay but Beatrice--
Beat. Sweet Hero! she is wrong'd, she is sland'red, she is undone.
Bene. Beat--
Beat. Princes and Counties! Surely a princely testimony, a goodlycount, Count Comfect, a sweet gallant surely! O that I were a manfor his sake! or that I had any friend would be a man for mysake! But manhood is melted into cursies, valour into compliment,and men are only turn'd into tongue, and trim ones too. He is nowas valiant as Hercules that only tells a lie,and swears it. Icannot be a man with wishing; therefore I will die a woman with grieving.
Bene. Tarry, good Beatrice. By this hand, I love thee.
Beat. Use it for my love some other way than swearing by it.
Bene. Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath wrong'd Hero?Beat. Yea, as sure is I have a thought or a soul.
Bene. Enough, I am engag'd, I will challenge him. I will kiss yourhand, and so I leave you. By this hand, Claudio shall render me adear account. As you hear of me, so think of me. Go comfort yourcousin. I must say she is dead-and so farewell.
[Exeunt.]
Scene II.
A prison.
[Enter the Constables [Dogberry and Verges] and the Sexton, ingowns, [and the Watch, with Conrade and] Borachio.]Dog. Is our whole dissembly appear'd?
Verg. O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
Sex. Which be the malefactors?
Dog. Marry, that am I and my partner.
Verg. Nay, that's certain. We have the exhibition to examine.
Sex. But which are the offenders that are to be examined? let themcome before Master Constable.
Dog. Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your name, friend?Bor. Borachio.
Dog. Pray write down Borachio. Yours, sirrah?
Con. I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
Dog. Write down Master Gentleman Conrade. Masters, do you serve God?Both. Yea, sir, we hope.
Dog. Write down that they hope they serve God; and write God first,for God defend but God should go before such villains! Masters,it is proved already that you are little better than falseknaves, and it will go near to be thought so shortly. How answeryou for yourselves?
Con. Marry, sir, we say we are none.
Dog. A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you; but I will go about withhim. Come you hither, sirrah. A word in your ear. Sir, I say toyou, it is thought you are false knaves.
Bora. Sir, I say to you we are none.
Dog. Well, stand aside. Fore God, they are both in a tale.Have you writ down that they are none?
Sex. Master Constable, you go not the way to examine. You must callforth the watch that are their accusers.
Dog. Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let the watch come forth. Masters, I charge you in the Prince's name accuse these men.
1. Watch. This man said, sir, that Don John the Prince's brother was avillain.
Dog. Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat perjury, tocall a prince's brother villain.
Bora. Master Constable--
Dog. Pray thee, fellow, peace. I do not like thy look, I promise thee.
Sex. What heard you him say else?
2. Watch. Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of Don John foraccusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
Dog. Flat burglary as ever was committed.
Verg. Yea, by th' mass, that it is.
Sex. What else, fellow?
1. Watch. And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to disgrace Herobefore the whole assembly, and not marry her.
Dog. O villain! thou wilt be condemn'd into everlasting redemption forthis.
Sex. What else?
Watchmen. This is all.
Sex. And this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince John is thismorning secretly stol'n away. Hero was in this manner accus'd, inthis manner refus'd, and upon the grief of thissuddenly died. Master Constable, let these men be bound andbrought to Leonato's. I will go before and show him theirexamination. [Exit.] Dog. Come, let them be opinion'd.
Verg. Let them be in the hands--
Con. Off, coxcomb!
Dog. God's my life, where's the sexton? Let him write down thePrince's officer coxcomb. Come, bind them.--Thou naughty varlet!Con. Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.
Dog. Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost thou not suspect my years? Othat he were here to write me down an ass! But, masters, rememberthat I am an ass. Though it be not written down, yet forget notthat I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of piety, asshall be prov'd upon thee by good witness. I am a wise fellow;and which is more, an officer; and which is more, a householder;and which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is inMessina, and one that knows the law, go to! and a rich fellowenough, go to! and a fellow that hath had losses; and one thathath two gowns and everything handsome about him. Bring him away.O that I had been writ down an ass! [Exeunt.]<>
ACT V. Scene I.The street, near Leonato's house.[Enter Leonato and his brother Antonio.]
Ant. If you go on thus, you will kill yourself,And 'tis not wisdom thus to second griefAgainst yourself.
Leon. I pray thee cease thy counsel,Which falls into mine ears as profitlessAs water in a sieve. Give not me counsel,Nor let no comforter delight mine earBut such a one whose wrongs do suit with mine.Bring me a father that so lov'd his child,Whose joy of her is overwhelm'd like mine,And bid him speak to me of patience.Measure his woe the length and breadth of mine,And let it answer every strain for strain,As thus for thus, and such a grief for such,In every lineament, branch, shape, and form.If such a one will smile and stroke his beard,Bid sorrow wag, cry 'hem' when he should groan, Patch grief with proverbs, make misfortune drunkWith candle-wasters--bring him yet to me,And I of him will gather patience.But there is no such man; for, brother, menCan counsel and speak comfort to that griefWhich they themselves not feel; but, tasting it,Their counsel turns to passion, which beforeWould give preceptial medicine to rage,Fetter strong madness in a silken thread,Charm ache with air and agony with words.No, no! 'Tis all men's office to speak patienceTo those that wring under the load of sorrow,But no man's virtue nor sufficiencyTo be so moral when he shall endureThe like himself. Therefore give me no counsel.My griefs cry louder than advertisement.
Ant. Therein do men from children nothing differ.
Leon. I pray thee peace. I will be flesh and blood;For there was never yet philosopherThat could endure the toothache patiently, However they have writ the style of godsAnd made a push at chance and sufferance.
Ant. Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself.Make those that do offend you suffer too.
Leon. There thou speak'st reason. Nay, I will do so.My soul doth tell me Hero is belied;And that shall Claudio know; so shall the Prince,And all of them that thus dishonour her. [Enter Don Pedro and Claudio.]
Ant. Here comes the Prince and Claudio hastily.
Pedro. Good den, Good den.
Claud. Good day to both of you.
Leon. Hear you, my lords!
Pedro. We have some haste, Leonato.
Leon. Some haste, my lord! well, fare you well, my lord.Are you so hasty now? Well, all is one.
Pedro. Nay, do not quarrel with us, good old man.
Ant. If he could right himself with quarrelling, Some of us would lie low.
Claud. Who wrongs him?
Leon. Marry, thou dost wrong me, thou dissembler, thou!Nay, never lay thy hand upon thy sword;I fear thee not.
Claud. Marry, beshrew my handIf it should give your age such cause of fear.In faith, my hand meant nothing to my sword.
Leon. Tush, tush, man! never fleer and jest at meI speak not like a dotard nor a fool,As under privilege of age to bragWhat I have done being young, or what would do,Were I not old. Know, Claudio, to thy head,Thou hast so wrong'd mine innocent child and meThat I am forc'd to lay my reverence byAnd, with grey hairs and bruise of many days,Do challenge thee to trial of a man.I say thou hast belied mine innocent child;Thy slander hath gone through and through her heart,And she lies buried with her ancestors- O, in a tomb where never scandal slept,Save this of hers, fram'd by thy villany!
Claud. My villany?
Leon. Thine, Claudio; thine I say.
Pedro. You say not right, old man.
Leon. My lord, my lord,I'll prove it on his body if he dare,Despite his nice fence and his active practice,His May of youth and bloom of lustihood.
Claud. Away! I will not have to do with you.
Leon. Canst thou so daff me? Thou hast kill'd my child.If thou kill'st me, boy, thou shalt kill a man.
Ant. He shall kill two of us, and men indeedBut that's no matter; let him kill one first.Win me and wear me! Let him answer me.Come, follow me, boy,. Come, sir boy, come follow me.Sir boy, I'll whip you from your foining fence!Nay, as I am a gentleman, I will.
Leon. Brother--
Ant. Content yourself. God knows I lov'd my niece, And she is dead, slander'd to death by villains,That dare as well answer a man indeedAs I dare take a serpent by the tongue.Boys, apes, braggarts, jacks, milksops!
Leon. Brother Anthony--Ant.
Hold you content. What, man! I know them, yea,And what they weigh, even to the utmost scruple,Scambling, outfacing, fashion-monging boys,That lie and cog and flout, deprave and slander,Go anticly, show outward hideousness,And speak off half a dozen dang'rous words,How they might hurt their enemies, if they durst;And this is all.
Leon. But, brother Anthony--
Ant. Come, 'tis no matter. Do not you meddle; let me deal in this.
Pedro. Gentlemen both, we will not wake your patience.My heart is sorry for your daughter's death;But, on my honour, she was charg'd with nothingBut what was true, and very full of proof.
Leon. My lord, my lord--
Pedro. I will not hear you.
Leon. No? Come, brother, away!--I will be heard.
Ant. And shall, or some of us will smart for it. [Exeunt ambo.] [Enter Benedick.]
Pedro. See, see! Here comes the man we went to seek.
Claud. Now, signior, what news?
Bene. Good day, my lord.
Pedro. Welcome, signior. You are almost come to part almost a fray.
Claud. We had lik'd to have had our two noses snapp'd off with two oldmen without teeth.
Pedro. Leonato and his brother. What think'st thou? Had we fought, Idoubt we should have been too young for them.
Bene. In a false quarrel there is no true valour. I came to seek youboth.
Claud. We have been up and down to seek thee; for we are high-proofmelancholy, and would fain have it beaten away. Wilt thou use thywit?
Bene. It is in my scabbard. Shall I draw it?
Pedro. Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side?
Claud. Never any did so, though very many have been beside their wit. Iwill bid thee draw, as we do the minstrel--draw to pleasure us.
Pedro. As I am an honest man, he looks pale. Art thou sick or angry?Claud. What, courage, man! What though care kill'd a cat, thou hastmettle enough in thee to kill care.
Bene. Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career an you charge it againstme. I pray you choose another subject.
Claud. Nay then, give him another staff; this last was broke cross.Pedro. By this light, he changes more and more. I think he be angryindeed.
Claud. If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle.
Bene. Shall I speak a word in your ear?
Claud. God bless me from a challenge!
Bene. [aside to Claudio] You are a villain. I jest not; I will make itgood how you dare, with what you dare, and when you dare. Do meright, or I will protest your cowardice. You have kill'd a sweetlady, and her death shall fall heavy on you. Let me hear fromyou.
Claud. Well, I will meet you, so I may have good cheer.
Pedro. What, a feast, a feast?
Claud. I' faith, I thank him, he hath bid me to a calve's head and acapon, the which if I do not carve most curiously, say my knife'snaught. Shall I not find a woodcock too?
Bene. Sir, your wit ambles well; it goes easily.
Pedro. I'll tell thee how Beatrice prais'd thy wit the other day. Isaid thou hadst a fine wit: 'True,' said she, 'a fine littleone.' 'No,' said I, 'a great wit.' 'Right,' says she, 'a greatgross one.' 'Nay,' said I, 'a good wit.' 'Just,' said she, 'ithurts nobody.' 'Nay,' said I, 'the gentleman is wise.' 'Certain,' said she, a wise gentleman.' 'Nay,' said I, 'he haththe tongues.' 'That I believe' said she, 'for he swore a thing tome on Monday night which he forswore on Tuesday morning. There'sa double tongue; there's two tongues.' Thus did she an hourtogether transshape thy particular virtues. Yet at last sheconcluded with a sigh, thou wast the proper'st man in Italy.
Claud. For the which she wept heartily and said she cared not.
Pedro. Yea, that she did; but yet, for all that, an if she did not hatehim deadly, she would love him dearly. The old man's daughtertold us all.
Claud. All, all! and moreover, God saw him when he was hid in thegarden.
Pedro. But when shall we set the savage bull's horns on the sensibleBenedick's head?
Claud. Yea, and text underneath, 'Here dwells Benedick, the marriedman'?
Bene. Fare you well, boy; you know my mind. I will leave you now toyour gossiplike humour. You break jests as braggards do theirblades, which God be thanked hurt not. My lord, for your manycourtesies I thank you. I must discontinue your company. Yourbrother the bastard is fled from Messina. You have among youkill'd a sweet and innocent lady. For my Lord Lackbeard there, heand I shall meet; and till then peace be with him. [Exit.]Pedro. He is in earnest.
Claud. In most profound earnest; and, I'll warrant you, for the love ofBeatrice.
Pedro. And hath challeng'd thee.
Claud. Most sincerely.
Pedro. What a pretty thing man is when he goes in his doublet and hoseand leaves off his wit![Enter Constables Dogberry and Verges, with the Watch, leadingConrade and Borachio.]
Claud. He is then a giant to an ape; but then is an ape a doctor to sucha man.
Pedro. But, soft you, let me be! Pluck up, my heart, and be sad!Did he not say my brother was fled?
Dog. Come you, sir. If justice cannot tame you, she shall ne'er weighmore reasons in her balance. Nay, an you be a cursing hypocriteonce, you must be look'd to.
Pedro. How now? two of my brother's men bound? Borachio one.
Claud. Hearken after their offence, my lord.
Pedro. Officers, what offence have these men done?
Dog. Marry, sir, they have committed false report; moreover, they havespoken untruths; secondarily, they are slanders; sixth andlastly, they have belied a lady; thirdly, they have verifiedunjust things; and to conclude, they are lying knaves.
Pedro. First, I ask thee what they have done; thirdly, I ask thee what'stheir offence; sixth and lastly, why they are committed; and toconclude, what you lay to their charge.
Claud. Rightly reasoned, and in his own division; and by my troththere's one meaning well suited.
Pedro. Who have you offended, masters, that you are thus bound to youranswer? This learned constable is too cunning to be understood.What's your offence?
Bora. Sweet Prince, let me go no farther to mine answer. Do you hearme, and let this Count kill me. I have deceived even your veryeyes. What your wisdoms could not discover, theseshallow fools have brought to light, who in the night overheardme confessing to this man, how Don John your brother incensed meto slander the Lady Hero; how you were brought into the orchardand saw me court Margaret in Hero's garments; how you disgrac'dher when you should marry her. My villany they have upon record,which I had rather seal with my death than repeat over to myshame. The lady is dead upon mine and my master's falseaccusation; and briefly, I desire nothing but the reward of avillain.
Pedro. Runs not this speech like iron through your blood?
Claud. I have drunk poison whiles he utter'd it.Pedro.
But did my brother set thee on to this?
Bora. Yea, and paid me richly for the practice of it.
Pedro. He is compos'd and fram'd of treachery,And fled he is upon this villany.
Claud. Sweet Hero, now thy image doth appear In the rare semblance that I lov'd it first.
Dog. Come, bring away the plaintiffs. By this time our sexton hathreformed Signior Leonato of the matter. And, masters, do notforget to specify, when time and place shall serve, that I am anass.
Verg. Here, here comes Master Signior Leonato, and the sexton too. [Enter Leonato, his brother [Antonio], and the Sexton.]Leon. Which is the villain? Let me see his eyes, That, when I note another man like him,I may avoid him. Which of these is he?
Bora. If you would know your wronger, look on me.
Leon. Art thou the slave that with thy breath hast kill'dMine innocent child?
Bora. Yea, even I alone.
Leon. No, not so, villain! thou beliest thyself.Here stand a pair of honourable men--A third is fled--that had a hand in it.I thank you princes for my daughter's death.Record it with your high and worthy deeds.'Twas bravely done, if you bethink you of it.
Claud. I know not how to pray your patience;Yet I must speak. Choose your revenge yourself;Impose me to what penance your inventionCan lay upon my sin. Yet sinn'd I notBut in mistaking.
Pedro. By my soul, nor I!And yet, to satisfy this good old man,I would bend under any heavy weight That he'll enjoin me to.
Leon. I cannot bid you bid my daughter live-That were impossible; but I pray you both,Possess the people in Messina hereHow innocent she died; and if your loveCan labour aught in sad invention,Hang her an epitaph upon her tomb,And sing it to her bones--sing it to-night.To-morrow morning come you to my house,And since you could not be my son-in-law,Be yet my nephew. My brother hath a daughter,Almost the copy of my child that's dead,And she alone is heir to both of us.Give her the right you should have giv'n her cousin,And so dies my revenge.
Claud. O noble sir!Your over-kindness doth wring tears from me.I do embrace your offer; and disposeFor henceforth of poor Claudio.
Leon. To-morrow then I will expect your coming; To-night I take my leave. This naughty manShall fact to face be brought to Margaret,Who I believe was pack'd in all this wrong,Hir'd to it by your brother.
Bora. No, by my soul, she was not;Nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me;But always hath been just and virtuousIn anything that I do know by her.Dog. Moreover, sir, which indeed is not under white and black, thisplaintiff here, the offender, did call me ass. I beseech you letit be rememb'red in his punishment. And also the watch heard themtalk of one Deformed. They say he wears a key in his ear, and alock hanging by it, and borrows money in God's name, the which hehath us'd so long and never paid that now men grow hard-heartedand will lend nothing for God's sake. Pray you examine him uponthat point.
Leon. I thank thee for thy care and honest pains.
Dog. Your worship speaks like a most thankful and reverent youth, andI praise God for you.
Leon. There's for thy pains. [Gives money.]
Dog. God save the foundation!
Leon. Go, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I thank thee.
Dog. I leave an arrant knave with your worship, which I beseech yourworship to correct yourself, for the example of others. God keepyour worship! I wish your worship well. God restore you tohealth! I humbly give you leave to depart; and if a merry meetingmay be wish'd, God prohibit it! Come, neighbour. [Exeunt [Dogberry and Verges.]Leon. Until to-morrow morning, lords, farewell.
Ant. Farewell, my lords. We look for you to-morrow.
Pedro. We will not fall.
Claud. To-night I'll mourn with Hero. [Exeunt Don Pedro and Claudio.]Leon. [to the Watch] Bring you these fellows on.--We'll talk with Margaret, How her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow. [Exeunt.]
Scene II.Leonato's orchard.[Enter Benedick and Margaret [meeting.]
Bene. Pray thee, sweet Mistress Margaret, deserve well at my hands byhelping me to the speech of Beatrice.
Marg. Will you then write me a sonnet in praise of my beauty?Bene. In so high a style, Margaret, that no man living shall come overit; for in most comely truth thou deservest it.
Marg. To have no man come over me? Why, shall I always keep belowstairs?
Bene. Thy wit is as quick as the greyhound's mouth--it catches.
Marg. And yours as blunt as the fencer's foils, which hit but hurt not.
Bene. A most manly wit, Margaret: it will not hurt a woman.And so I pray thee call Beatrice. I give thee the bucklers.
Marg. Give us the swords; we have bucklers of our own.
Bene. If you use them, Margaret, you must put in the pikes with a vice,and they are dangerous weapons for maids.
Marg. Well, I will call Beatrice to you, who I think hath legs.
Bene. And therefore will come. [Exit Margaret.] [Sings] The god of love, That sits above And knows me, and knows me, How pitiful I deserve-- I mean in singing; but in loving Leander the good swimmer,Troilus the first employer of panders, and a whole book full ofthese quondam carpet-mongers, whose names yet run smoothly in theeven road of a blank verse--why, they were never so truly turn'd over and over as my poor self in love. Marry, I cannot show it inrhyme. I have tried. I can find out no rhyme to 'lady' but 'baby'--an innocent rhyme; for 'scorn,' 'horn'--a hard rhyme; for'school', 'fool'--a babbling rhyme: very ominous endings! No, Iwas not born under a rhyming planet, nor cannot woo in festivalterms. [Enter Beatrice.] Sweet Beatrice, wouldst thou come when I call'd thee? Beat. Yea, signior, and depart when you bid me.
Bene. O, stay but till then!
Beat. 'Then' is spoken. Fare you well now. And yet, ere I go, let me gowith that I came for, which is, with knowing what hath pass'dbetween you and Claudio.
Bene. Only foul words; and thereupon I will kiss thee.
Beat. Foul words is but foul wind, and foul wind is but foul breath,and foul breath is noisome. Therefore I will depart unkiss'd.Bene. Thou hast frighted the word out of his right sense, so forcibleis thy wit. But I must tell thee plainly, Claudio undergoes mychallenge; and either I must shortly hear from him or I willsubscribe him a coward. And I pray thee now tell me, for which ofmy bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?Beat. For them all together, which maintain'd so politic a state ofevil that they will not admit any good part to intermingle withthem. But for which of my good parts did you first suffer lovefor me?
Bene. Suffer love!--a good epithet. I do suffer love indeed, for I lovethee against my will.
Beat. In spite of your heart, I think. Alas, poor heart! If you spiteit for my sake, I will spite it for yours, for I will never lovethat which my friend hates.
Bene. Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably.
Beat. It appears not in this confession. There's not one wise man amongtwenty, that will praise himself.
Bene. An old, an old instance, Beatrice, that liv'd in the time of goodneighbours. If a man do not erect in this age his own tomb ere hedies, he shall live no longer in monument than thebell rings and the widow weeps.
Beat. And how long is that, think you?
Bene. Question: why, an hour in clamour and a quarter in rheum. Therefore is it most expedient for the wise, if Don Worm (hisconscience) find no impediment to the contrary, to be thetrumpet of his own virtues, as I am to myself. So much forpraising myself, who, I myself will bear witness, ispraiseworthy. And now tell me, how doth your cousin?Beat. Very ill.
Bene. And how do you?
Beat. Very ill too.
Bene. Serve God, love me, and mend. There will I leave you too, forhere comes one in haste. [Enter Ursula.]
Urs. Madam, you must come to your uncle. Yonder's old coil at home. It is proved my Lady Hero hath been falsely accus'd, the Princeand Claudio mightily abus'd, and Don John is the author of all,who is fled and gone. Will you come presently?
Beat. Will you go hear this news, signior?
Bene. I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried thy eyes;and moreover, I will go with thee to thy uncle's. [Exeunt.]
Scene III.A churchyard.[Enter Claudio, Don Pedro, and three or four with tapers,followed by Musicians.]
Claud. Is this the monument of Leonato?
Lord. It is, my lord.
Claud. [reads from a scroll] Epitaph. Done to death by slanderous tongues Was the Hero that here lies. Death, in guerdon of her wrongs, Gives her fame which never dies. So the life that died with shame Lives in death with glorious fame.Hang thou there upon the tomb, [Hangs up the scroll.]Praising her when I am dumb. Now, music, sound, and sing your solemn hymn. Song. Pardon, goddess of the night, Those that slew thy virgin knight; For the which, with songs of woe, Round about her tomb they go. Midnight, assist our moan, Help us to sigh and groan Heavily, heavily, Graves, yawn and yield your dead, Till death be uttered Heavily, heavily.
Claud. Now unto thy bones good night!Yearly will I do this rite.
Pedro. Good morrow, masters. Put your torches out.The wolves have prey'd, and look, the gentle day,Before the wheels of Phoebus, round about Dapples the drowsy east with spots of grey.Thanks to you all, and leave us. Fare you well.
Claud. Good morrow, masters. Each his several way.
Pedro. Come, let us hence and put on other weeds,And then to Leonato's we will go.
Claud. And Hymen now with luckier issue speedsThan this for whom we rend'red up this woe. [Exeunt.]
Scene IVThe hall in Leonato's house.[Enter Leonato, Benedick, Beatrice, Margaret, Ursula, Antonio,Friar [Francis], Hero.]
Friar. Did I not tell you she was innocent?
Leon. So are the Prince and Claudio, who accus'd herUpon the error that you heard debated.But Margaret was in some fault for this,Although against her will, as it appearsIn the true course of all the question.
Ant. Well, I am glad that all things sort so well.
Bene. And so am I, being else by faith enforc'dTo call young Claudio to a reckoning for it.
Leon. Well, daughter, and you gentlewomen all,Withdraw into a chamber by yourselves,And when I send for you, come hither mask'd. [Exeunt Ladies.]The Prince and Claudio promis'd by this hourTo visit me. You know your office, brother:You must be father to your brother's daughter, And give her to young Claudio.
Ant. Which I will do with confirm'd countenance.
Bene. Friar, I must entreat your pains, I think.
Friar. To do what, signior?
Bene. To bind me, or undo me--one of them.Signior Leonato, truth it is, good signior,Your niece regards me with an eye of favour.
Leon. That eye my daughter lent her. 'Tis most true.
Bene. And I do with an eye of love requite her.
Leon. The sight whereof I think you had from me,From Claudio, and the Prince; but what's your will?Bene. Your answer, sir, is enigmatical;But, for my will, my will is, your good willMay stand with ours, this day to be conjoin'dIn the state of honourable marriage;In which, good friar, I shall desire your help.
Leon. My heart is with your liking.
Friar. And my help. [Enter Don Pedro and Claudio and two or three other. ]Here comes the Prince and Claudio.
Pedro. Good morrow to this fair assembly.
Leon. Good morrow, Prince; good morrow, Claudio. We here attend you. Are you yet determin'dTo-day to marry with my brother's daughter?
Claud. I'll hold my mind, were she an Ethiope.
Leon. Call her forth, brother. Here's the friar ready. [Exit Antonio.]Pedro. Good morrow, Benedick. Why, what's the matterThat you have such a February face,So full of frost, of storm, and cloudiness?
Claud. I think he thinks upon the savage bull.Tush, fear not, man! We'll tip thy horns with gold,And all Europa shall rejoice at thee,As once Europa did at lusty JoveWhen he would play the noble beast in love.
Bene. Bull Jove, sir, had an amiable low,And some such strange bull leap'd your father's cowAnd got a calf in that same noble feat Much like to you, for you have just his bleat.[Enter [Leonato's] brother [Antonio], Hero, Beatrice, Margaret,Ursula, [the ladies wearing masks.]
Claud. For this I owe you. Here comes other reckonings.Which is the lady I must seize upon?
Ant. This same is she, and I do give you her.
Claud. Why then, she's mine. Sweet, let me see your face.
Leon. No, that you shall not till you take her handBefore this friar and swear to marry her.
Claud. Give me your hand before this holy friar.I am your husband if you like of me.
Hero. And when I liv'd I was your other wife; [Unmasks.]And when you lov'd you were my other husband.
Claud. Another Hero!
Hero. Nothing certainer.One Hero died defil'd; but I do live,And surely as I live, I am a maid.
Pedro. The former Hero! Hero that is dead!
Leon. She died, my lord, but whiles her slander liv'd.
Friar. All this amazement can I qualify,When, after that the holy rites are ended,I'll tell you largely of fair Hero's death.Meantime let wonder seem familiar,And to the chapel let us presently.
Bene. Soft and fair, friar. Which is Beatrice?
Beat. [unmasks] I answer to that name. What is your will?Bene. Do not you love me?
Beat. Why, no; no more than reason.
Bene. Why, then your uncle, and the Prince, and Claudio Have been deceived; for they swore you did.
Beat. Do not you love me?
Bene. Troth, no; no more than reason.
Beat. Why, then my cousin, Margaret, and Ursula Are much deceiv'd; for they did swear you did.
Bene. They swore that you were almost sick for me.
Beat. They swore that you were well-nigh dead for me.
Bene. 'Tis no such matter. Then you do not love me?
Beat. No, truly, but in friendly recompense.
Leon. Come, cousin, I am sure you love the gentleman.
Claud. And I'll be sworn upon't that he loves her;For here's a paper written in his hand,A halting sonnet of his own pure brain,Fashion'd to Beatrice.
Hero. And here's another,Writ in my cousin's hand, stol'n from her pocket,Containing her affection unto Benedick.
Bene. A miracle! Here's our own hands against our hearts.Come, I will have thee; but, by this light, I take thee for pity.
Beat. I would not deny you; but, by this good day, I yield upon greatpersuasion, and partly to save your life, for I was told you werein a consumption.
Bene. Peace! I will stop your mouth. [Kisses her.]Bene. I'll tell thee what, Prince: a college of wit-crackers cannotflout me out of my humour. Dost thou think I care for a satire oran epigram? No. If a man will be beaten with brains, 'a shallwear nothing handsome about him. In brief, since I do purpose tomarry, I will think nothing to any purpose that the world can sayagainst it; and therefore never flout at me for what I have saidagainst it; for man is a giddy thing, and this is my conclusion.For thy part, Claudio, I did think to have beaten thee; but inthat thou art like to be my kinsman, live unbruis'd, and love mycousin.
Claud. I had well hop'd thou wouldst have denied Beatrice, that I mighthave cudgell'd thee out of thy single life, to make thee adouble-dealer, which out of question thou wilt be if my cousin donot look exceeding narrowly to thee.
Bene. Come, come, we are friends. Let's have a dance ere we aremarried, that we may lighten our own hearts and our wives' heels.
Leon. We'll have dancing afterward.
Bene. First, of my word! Therefore play, music. Prince, thou art sad.Get thee a wife, get thee a wife! There is no staff more reverentthan one tipp'd with horn. [Enter Messenger.]Mess. My lord, your brother John is ta'en in flight, And brought with armed men back to Messina.
Bene. Think not on him till to-morrow. I'll devise thee bravepunishments for him. Strike up, pipers! Dance. [Exeunt.]THE END